ugly // richie tozier

o n e

the beatles - helter skelter

//

"pussy!"

richie tripped over his bag and notes flew everywhere. i thought to stop and help him, but i knew he was too much of a target. i had intended to keep walking. i had intended to live my life without associating with richie. but intentions don't always prevent situations from occurring. robert, the school's newly appointed bully since the death of the entire previous squad a few years ago, locked his eyes on me.

"hey, looney juney, why are you looking at tozier with those big, gorgeous eyes?" robert had a habit of simultaneously insulting and flirting with girls.

"hey, asshole, do you think of richie on his hands and knees when you're pulling it at night?"

my god. what have i done? i really am looney juney. instead of getting angry and pushing me to the ground like he would to anybody who defends one of his victims, he went beet red and scratched the back of his neck.

"w-what's it to you?!" and, poof, he was gone.

richie looked up at me with his glasses that were more tape than they were glasses sliding down his nose. i reached my hand out to him and helped him onto his feet.

"i think the more important question is: do you pull it at night thinking of me? takes some serious balls to stand up to an asshole like that." something behind his eyes flickered, like he was remembering or recalling something that happened years ago. i started picking up his papers and he knelt down to join me.

"i don't masturbate to the thought of you, and i don't know why i stood up for you. but i do know that he probably won't pick on you anymore out of fear of being forced out of the closet." richie scoffed and stuffed the last of his papers into his worn-out bag. we stood awkwardly until the bell went and i realised how tall he'd gotten. he used to be so short - still much taller than me - in comparison to the other boys. he used to have a group of friends, too. they'd all gone their separate ways like everyone does in high school. but, unlike bill flying with the journalism crowd and eddie hanging out with the science geeks, richie was on his lonesome. i was pulled out of my thoughts by lucinda.

"june, why are you talking to richie?" her voice was laced with venom as she spat the syllables of his name in his face. he look unsurprised, staring back at the cruel blonde.

"i'm not sure, if i'm honest." i didn't want to drag richie, but it was part of my job. flying with the popular flock had rules.

"i can trigger your memory, juney baby. you were telling me about how cold it is in your bed at night and that my body over yours would make the cold much more tolerable." lucinda cackled and yanked me away with her, telling richie to drop dead over her shoulder.

lucinda was what boys would call a pocket-rocket. she was tiny, like 4'11" tiny and didn't weigh over 100 pounds. her lips were constantly lined with pink lipstick and her hair was perfectly teased on all days of the week. she exclusively wore the colours teal and pink and called it her 'thing'.

i didn't like lucinda and she didn't like me. but that was the nature of high school relationships, liking those who could benefit you even though they were intolerable.

i liked lucinda and her friends because they granted me immunity against staying home on Fridays and Saturdays. they were constantly partying and i constantly needed to get out of the house. lucinda and her friends liked me because i was ugly. my eyes were spaced far apart and my brown hair was mousy. i was insignificant next to them, but i somehow made them look better.

take this scene, for example. cute and tiny lucinda dragging short and stumpy june along by her arm. june looks clumsy and cindy looks elegant.

i know i'm not entirely ugly, but lucinda isn't entirely pretty either. we bring the best and worst out in each other.

i found my seat beside cindy in our biology class and my eyes found a fidgeting eddie. he anxiously looked at the empty seat beside him, wondering where his lab buddy, topher, was. i felt sorry for him. richie stumbled into the class and took advantage of the spare space beside eddie. the relief in eddie's eyes was enough to melt anyone's soul.

"poor eddie, i don't know how he made it through junior high with that dead weight." lucinda sighed and covered her heart.

"why hate richie and tolerate eddie? i mean, everyone picked on both of them during junior, why give one a break?" i chewed at the end of my pencil and waited eagerly to hear her reasoning. she raised a pencilled eyebrow and shrugged.

"we could pick on them both if you'd like." i groaned and shook my head, ignoring lucinda and penning '1993' into my notebook. lucinda rolled her eyes, sick of my angst, no doubt.

30 minutes into the lesson and i'd memorised the way each curl deviated from it's neighbour on richie's head. i'd also caught bill denbrough staring at me twice, although lucinda insisted it was her he was looking at. it probably was, and that would have been tragic. i was utterly transfixed by richie, which was equally as tragic as bill having a crush on lucy. i watched pensively as the two old friends caught up with one another. i wished i could have a bond with another human like that.

time flew by as i doodled rabid animals biting into thin stick men. the class sifted out through the front door with the force of a tsunami as soon as the school bell rang. i found myself pushing against richie and developing a proud blush across my cheeks. my head barely grazed the bottom of his arm pit. i felt so small and dainty beside him, an emotion rarely felt when you exclusively hang around super tiny super models. slowly, i found myself into the hallway, watching lucinda walk off with bill denbrough.

smug bitch was right.

"and the odd one out finds herself evolving into a lone wolf, difficult times." like clockwork, richie stood behind me.

"what do you want?" i looked back at him and planted my hands on my waist. i closed my eyes and groaned when i realised that open questions and richie don't mix well.

"what i want and what i need are two very different things. i want you bent over my lap with no underwear in sight, but i need you to tell me what you want." i wasn't shocked. i should have been, but i wasn't. i was more confused. what did i want? i wanted cindy to stop in her tracks and rescue me from social suicide, but that never happened.

instead, i walked along with richie and told him i hadn't had ice cream in 3 years.