perfect (illusion)

He was gonna ask where is mark but someone suddenly jumped in front of the nurse and hugged him tightly. Donghyuck hugged back as tightly, knowing it could only be mark. But his smile dropped when the voice he heard was different than mark's voice.

"I can't believe you woke up hyuck. Like, holy shit man we had been waiting for months for you to wake up, you made all of us so scared."

"jaemin?" donghyuck asked when he broke the hug and jaemin smiled widely at him "you missed me?"

He would say "I did" but he wondered where mark was more than he wanted to feed his best friend's ego.

"Where is mark, nana?"

"Mark? Oh! He sent a message to you. A video message or something like that I guess. Here." Jaemin said and gave his phone to donghyuck who unlocked it hurriedly and went to the messages part and clicked on the video that mark had sent.

"Hey donghyuck, uh your name is donghyuck right? Jaemin's friend? Uh I heard you had an accident so I wanted to send a "hope you'll get better soon" kinda message cause I see you around sometimes and honestly you look like such a nice guy. It's such a pity that it happened to you man I'm sorry." "say hi for me too babe" "koeun says hi too. She is my fiancé by the way. I don't know if you know but we will marry when we graduate high school. Oh! You can come to the wedding too! If you want to I mean. And uhmm yeah that's all. Hope you'll get better soon. So Uh byeee."

Donghyuck just kept looking at the phone screen even after it went to black and all he could see was his own reflection.

"Sorry for his awkwardness. He isn't the best at talking with new people. And he didn't know you went on coma he thought you just had a car accident so yeah sorry for his "uh"s and all" Jaemin said jokingly but his smile dropped when he saw donghyuck's teary eyes.

"Donghyuck oh my god what happened? Are you okay?"

"M-mark is dating with koeun?"

Jaemin looked so confused but answered anyway "yeah. They had been dating since the first year of high school. I thought you knew? You were looking at their way whenever you saw them so I thought you were friends with them to be honest."

Donghyuck never knew words could hurt him that bad, he didn't knew he could hear his heart shattering into million pieces and bleeding till his whole chest is covered in blood...

Then he remembered...he remembered how he always admired mark from afar, he remembered how mark had always been so nice and kind to him but they never talked more than "hi"s and "good morning"s, he remembered how he watched mark giving his first kiss to koeun from behind a wall, he remembered how mark's eyes shined so brightly when he looked at her and lastly he remembered how his eyes never shined like that when he looked at him...never...

"Okay you know what? I know what will make you feel better and bring the old sassy ass donghyuck back." jaemin said while getting up from the bed and walked towards the CD player that was on the drawer next to it.

Before he put the CD in donghyuck caught the "donghyuck's favorite songs" that was written on it and he held tight onto the bed sheets to not cry his heart out.

"I found your favorite song hyuckkie. Here, listen." Jaemin said and pressed the button to play it.

And he did listen...with a bitter smile on his lips...cause oh...how could be so stupid to believe all the dreams he had no matter how real they felt...how could he keep loving someone who never been and never will be his...how...

"I'll go on loving you

Don't ask me why

It's not the kind

Of love I dream about

But it's the kind

That I can't live without"

Even though his bitter was still on his lips, his tears started flowing slowly. Because it was true. It was not the kind of love he dreamt about but it was the kind that he cannot live without. Even though it was killing him deeply on the inside every single day...he was going to keep loving mark cause he knew in his dreams they could be together...even though it was only in his dreams...

"Donghyuck you...you love mark don't you?"

"so much" was the last thing he said before he kept listening the song and the song after that and the song after that, remembering the memories of him and mark that had never happened and choking on his love for him. but it was okay. It was okay. He was fine.

He was fine...