prologue

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It was a moody afternoon, the rain was falling in icy sheets outside and the fire was crackling comfortingly inside. I sat at the window, blanket covering my shoulders, fingers and toes freezing cold, thinking about how badly I had fucked up. There was nothing I could do to fix it now, the deed was done, the seal was set, there was no way I could or would break it... No, he would have to do it himself.
But then again I wondered, was I leaving to much to him, was I making him feel like he was in a relationship with himself? God, aren't I a horrible person! And I can't even fix it, there's nothing I could do,I thought I just had to wait for it to tide over, he comes, he comes, he doesn't.. Well then he doesn't.I wasn't going to waste any tears over a boy, no matter how long I had spent with him. Heartbreak happens I got to move on.

That was my first clue, it didn't take long after that for me to realize how damaged and broken I truly was inside. I realized that I couldn't keep holding onto guys like that, it just hurt them, and it hurt me too. I realized I was toxic and difficult and I truly couldn't work with anybody. So I swore a vow to never hurt any of them again... I just wasn't good for them... I would destroy them, I knew it and I definitely didn't want it to happen. No boys no problems... For them or me.


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⏰ Last updated: Oct 25, 2017 ⏰

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