VIXX FANFIC ANGST (N X VIXX MEMBERS)

1)★N✩

Please note that this fanfic contains self-harm,depression,bullying and such.To those who cannot handle angst or any of the warnings i put beforehand,please do not read.This is a first for me so i beg your pardon and be lenient towards my horrible writing skills.Thanks~✩
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N,Vixx's leader,who often pretends to not get hurt by the mere insults and passive attitudes shown by his fellow members.He, who often just play along with his members just for their happiness and peace of mind while himself is slowly being torn apart bit by bit.

He could even feel himself becoming slightly insane and slowly falling into his deep dark abyss of depression.

Often trying to talk and cheer his members up after a long day of work but nevertheless his effort was futile.

After all his effort in trying to mingle with his members,he then excused himself to finally retire into his own personal room since everyone rejected the idea of sleeping or rooming with their 'annoying and clingy' leader.

Yes,the members considered him clingy but mostly annoying because of all his efforts in to trying to lift up their moods after a long day of work and stress by doing various aegyos and asking about various sorts of questions of their day.In which the members,oblivious and not understanding their leaders real intention to lighten the mood,they shooed him away.

Don't get them wrong,they really do love and care about N especially leo,his life long friend but they,being stubborn kids,who refuse to openly show their leader some affection,to which they instead throw profanities and insults towards N's way.

Aside from his own group members,their fans...Vixx's fans also seem to only care about his other members.Sometimes starlights tend to unexpectedly spill some hurtful comments such as

'i think Hakyeon gained some weight'

'He's so dark skinned i couldn't even see him properly in the dimmed lighting during their live performance'

'He's so narcissistic eww...~'

'Why would they have a dark skinned peasant in a group filled with much gorgeous and talented men'

'He has no talent.His dancing skills were also not that great.Ravi and hyuk's are much better.'

'He should step down on being the leader,he doesn't even do much.All he does is cling,whine and 'neck chops' his members when they made fun of his skin and stuff.He's so annoying."

And the list of comments goes on.....

Upon arriving in his room,N's happy cheerful facade disappeared almost immediately and instead gets replaced by tears sliding down his eyes as an indication of pain.

Locking his door,he slides his back on it to sit down on the cold hard floor thinking about the things that he could've done to make his members to be hostile towards him.

"Why...why can't they just love me and see the efforts i put into caring for them? Am i too embarassing to be with? Am i unbearable to be around? Why...why can't i be loved like how everyone else here love and apprecite one other...?"N whispered while more tears start sliding down his eyes.

Slowly,he crawled over to his bedside table's drawer to retrieve a small black box containing a royal blue coloured journal,letters,sleeping pills....a noose......and a blade.

Slowly he picks up the blade and rolls his sleeves and pants up.He then brings the blade on to his already torn ,scared skin from his previous night's doing.....watching as the crimson blood trickle down his skin even though it hurts,all he could muster up was a mere whimper while calming himself down by slashing on more lines across his once beautiful copper gold like skin.

"I'm useless"

"I am not needed"

"I am fat"

"I just want some love and affection too"

"I'm just another human being after all"

"I'm annoying and clingy"

"Help...me"

As he went on,his head then starts to feel dizzy.....darkness starts to cloud his vision then he passes out on the cold hard tiled floor.

To be continued...

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Hi~ this is my first fanfic and i would like you guys to know that english is not my first language.Therefore please do correct me if there are any grammatical or spelling errors.

Please do let me know if you guys liked the fanfic.....i would be grateful and happy.

I also plan to make this a book filled with angst with of course a sad,depressing ending.