Hi guys! I'm really sorry that I haven't posted anything. I'm trying really hard to be motivated and write so my apologies !
Here is a request for kaitlyneary ! Hope you enjoy it 😊
Btw i'm sorry this is real long and the starts a bit boring but hope it's interesting ! 😊
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Anxiety. Not many people know what it is. Many people assume it's just when you get nervous, which is true, but there is definitely more to it then just that. Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything at once. Anxiety is that feeling deep down that starts slowly rising into your stomach and making you feel sick. Anxiety can make you sweat, shake, cry, scream, make you feel insane, can lead you into hyperventilating, into having panic attacks. Anxiety is all these negative thoughts built up inside. Anxiety is many things. Breathe. Just Breathe. Stay positive. Stay Strong. You are strong. Take it easy. You've got this.
Anxiety is something I've had to deal with since I can remember. It's something that I struggle with day by day, week by week, month by month and even year by year. It's not easy. Having negative thoughts and ideas in your mind, having to go to school every day knowing you might have a panic attack, having to sit and listen to things I don't want to listen to because the only thing I'm doing is coming up with more ideas in my mind that make me go insane on the inside. No one knows how I feel. Like everyone else I have 2 sides to me. A confident, brave and happy girl and a struggling to get through life girl. It's hard to put on an act everyday to people. Having to lie about how you feel to people, having to show that I'm happy and confident. It's really hard. Of course the only person I can trust and be myself around is my boyfriend Shawn. We've been together for 1 1/2 years now and I wouldn't have it any other way. He's different to the other guys at my school. He's so caring. Always asking me if I'm okay, if I need anything, if I want to do something. He's my motivation. He's my hero and I love him with my whole heart. The only problem is Shawn doesn't know about my anxiety. Well.. he knows I suffer from it but has never seen me when I'm at my worst with it. But that changes..
It's a sunny afternoon on a Monday. The worst day of my week. So far I've had an okay morning. Waking up was a struggle cause it's Monday and I hate Mondays. First and second period went ok. I basically just sit there. Of course I try to listen but end up listening to myself...
I'm now in third period. This time i'm really trying to focus so let's see how that goes...
• • •
I'm half way through Third period and I think I'm actually starting to get the hang of listening in class. Of course it's hard but I'm really wanting to get good grades this year.
As I'm writing down some notes in my book a piece of paper is thrown at me. I turn around to see who it was but end up just grabbing the piece of paper and putting it in my bag.
The period finally ends and I go to lunch. I go sit down at a table in the corner of the room and start eating. I reminded myself to see what was on the piece of paper thrown at me in class. As I go to grab the piece of paper some girls walk past me looking and giggling at me. Those girls were in my last period. Maybe they threw this paper at me? I open up the paper and it says: your so ugly. stop trying to look pretty cause it's never going to work. your just an ugly, fat, dumb girl who has no life.
As I read this I start to tear up. Millions of thoughts start running through my head. Am I ugly? Am I fat? Do I need to lose weight? Am I dumb? Do I need to change my clothes? So many thoughts start rushing through my mind and then boom.
I feel my stomach turning, my breathing quickens, I start crying more. What does this all mean? Anxiety attack.
I grab all my belongings and run outside to the car park and sit in the corner. I start to shaking, my cries become louder, I start hyperventilating. I try to tell myself to just breathe but it doesn't work. All I can think of is how many flaws I have, how I need to change, maybe I am dumb, fat and ugly. As I try to calm myself down, which doesn't work, I grab my phone and call the one person I can trust. Shawn.
Shawn
Me
Hey Kaitlyn!
S-s-shawn
Kaitlyn what's wrong hunni?
I-i need you to come p-pick me up. please h-hurry.
I'm on my way baby okay? Stay where you are. Don't hang up just try and keep breathing.
I-i'm so sorry S-shawn.
For what hunni?
F-for not telling you about my anxiety a-and how I have a-attacks
Kaitlyn don't be sorry okay. I'm sure you would have told me sooner or later so don't stress. Okay I'm pulling in now. Stay there baby.
I see Shawn's car pull into the car park, me still sitting shaking and crying. Shawn gets out of the car and runs to me, immediately hugging me and making sure I was okay.
"Baby breathe okay. It's okay I'm here now. "
Its been a couple of minutes now and my breathing has finally come back to normal. Shawn still hugging me and rocking us back and forth making sure i'm feeling better.
"Are you okay now ?" Shawn asked me.
"Yeah" I nod.
"You wanna tell me why you had an anxiety attack?"
"Just... just some girls threw a piece of paper at me.. and it had some mean stuff on there that made me start thinking.."
"What did it say?"
I look down and grab the piece of paper and show him. He looks at it and starts to tear up. He scrunches the paper up and throws it away.
"You know your not any of those things Kaitlyn. Your beautiful, smart, gorgeous, caring and perfect just the way you are. You don't need to change for other people. Your the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I couldn't of ask for a better girlfriend. I love you baby. Please don't listen to those girls. They are just trying to get under your skin. Your so strong Kaitlyn. Don't let them get you down."
I start crying and hug Shawn instantly. I pull out of the hug and smile at him.
"Thank you for staying with me and loving me. Thank you for supporting me, never letting me go and for being there when I need you. I owe you so much. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. I love you so much Shawn"
"I love you more"
After that I lean in and kiss him. We pull away after few seconds and stand up.
"Let's go home"
And for the rest of the night Shawn and I watched movies and cuddled. I couldn't of asked for anything better.
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Hope you guys enjoyed this!
Let me know in the comments if you enjoyed it and if you'd like a request!
have a good day xx
-Lilli 💕
