Tears Behind Our Eyes: A Prequel

Chapter One

Chapter One

Current year: 2017

I'm generally not a secretive guy. If someone were to ask what was on my mind, I'd flat out say. I'm not fearless but I'm no coward. My girlfriend always says I will push some limits too far one day and end up in jail, claiming she'd leave me there for a night or two and then bail me out but I know her better than she does and she's too sweet to leave me. I'm generally not a secretive guy. But I do have some secrets.

Certain things about me aren't that great. Once you know, you know. It's not like in chemistry when you forget an element on the periodic table-- you once knew it but forgot. If it were, I'd be a happier person. My girlfriend (whom I talk about often) Mia Kaye tells me I'm a positive guy. Glass half full. And I agree but it'd be even more so if all the crap in my life didn't happen.

My dad, for an example. It's uncommon knowledge that my dad was a fireman, trained and served five years. Also uncommon to know that a couple months after I was born, my mom set our apartment on fire while he was at work. I was inside and so was she. (I only know this because the neighbors were really close to us-- me and Dad. Mom didn't like them. They had a daughter around the same time named Delilah so we became friends in middle school after I learned about it.) Dad's squad was called to our apartment complex and saw the evacuation on the street and couldn't find us. He went inside against orders-- apparently, it was too dangerous even for the firemen. He kicked in the door (I'm assuming he's that badass) and found my mom just sitting there on the couch and me in my crib. He took me out to safety after arguing with Mom, handed me to Delilah's mom. And again, with a fight, he went inside for my mom. As soon as she was on the floor, the building exploded and Dad went with it. That's my birth dad. Delilah is the only one of my friends that knows. Not even Mia Kaye (eventually I did tell her but I was drunk and she never mentioned it ever again) or my best friend Hunter.

My step dad, who gets pissed when I refer to him as my stepdad and not my dad, is another story that I'll save for later. And there's more to my mom, too but even writing that down may be too much for me.

I don't know where to go from here. I have a lot to say but I cannot pinpoint the perfect beginning. Life is full of beginnings but I don't know which to start at. I honestly don't know where the hell to start. Should I start at the end-- where my life ends? Or what happened seventh grade when I met the love of my life, my soulmate, my everything? Do you think I should formally introduce myself? I guess I'll wing it.

Hi. I'm Jackson Bayley, I'm an addict.

Just kidding. I've made it a very serious rule of mine not to do any of that crap. Don't drink alcohol or do drugs, kids. Once you read more, you'll understand how cruel that joke actually was.

Seriously now, hi. I'm Jackson Bayley. How are you? You can't exactly answer but I'm hoping you're fantastic. If not, maybe I can help. I'm sixteen years old and a sophomore. My interests: Mia Kaye, playing Grand Theft Auto with Hunter, old black and white movies, writing and currently taken upon an interest in reading again. Anything, really. I want to follow in Mia Kaye's dad's footsteps and become a neurosurgeon. My only dislike (extreme understatement): Taylor Swift. I'd rather live with my step dad for the rest of my life than listen to that. Mia Kaye and I click the most because of the common annoyance that is Taylor Swift.

Some would call me stubborn. If I know something is (too) illegal, I most likely won't do it. Except wearing beanies to cover my blond hair, since people act like it's illegal at school. It's not that I'm self-conscious or whatever about it, I just don't feel like myself when I don't wear one. Teachers will get mad when I wear beanies in the building. Mia Kaye would tell you in detail about it but basically, I'll use the same speech every time that suggests sexual harassment.

Family isn't my favorite subject unless it's referring to Hunter and Mia Kaye. My mom hasn't been the best. She's a complication I'll talk about more. My dad died, my step dad... well if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all, right? I stop following that rule every once in awhile because who listens to it everyday? Nobody. My brother Daniel ran away, which I'll talk more about, too. Someone I don't talk about is my little sister who died drowning when she was two.. She was my step dad's kid, obviously, so she was technically my half sister but I don't think that applied to us. I loved her. Before Penelope (Penny) happened, Step Dad was abusive, then she was born and he tried harder, he became a dad. She died in that lake and he became worse than before, almost murderous. And my mom became depressed again. .

There's one question we all wonder about at some point in life, some more than others. Well, I've had a theory for a while and my life has only proved it right. What if Earth is actually Hell? And in order to get into Heaven, which has a class system, life as a child in Hell is just training and life as a teen and older are the tests you have to pass, like the SATs or ACTs. The higher the score, the better Heaven you get into later when you die. The lower the score, the worse things get. How fast you pass the tests determines how fast you get out of Hell.

I'm still in Hell but I know if I pass the tests with Mia Kaye, I'll be alright. As long as she moves with me, I'll keep my sanity. That's how I've managed to stay alive all these years. I'm a sophomore now. I met her in seventh grade.

At that time in my life, I'd already attempted suicide by slitting my wrists. I don't suggest it, it's not a painless way to die like I preferred. I'm not endorsing suicide, in any way, to get rid of your problems because that's wrong but I seriously considered it--if Hunter hadn't caught me, I'd be dead.. My step dad told me everyday he hated me. I'm a waste of oxygen. Blah blah blah. Then, he'd start pounding on my mother. I'd try to protect her and that would only get me crippled enough to not be able to move. I wanted so badly to die. There are tears behind our eyes that nobody sees. And the day I finally had the guts to actually go through with it, the day I finally decided to stop my research, eat enough sleeping pills to cause central nervous system depression, I couldn't. I met her. I met Amelia Kaye Beatryce Parker.

I am alive because of her. For her.

I will also die because of her. For her.