Quandary

Chapter 7

Ann Marie

1 week later

All day I took pictures, smiled and laughed, but it was all a mask. No matter how happy I seemed and how much fun I have, the same thing just stuck to my mind. I tried everything to get my mind off of it, I made up with Chip. Right now I'm laying next to Chip, we had sex after making up, because I was desperate to have a distraction.

I had my distraction, and now I'm just laying here in my mess, still having the invading thought in my mind. I removed Chip's arm from on top of my stomach and turned on my side opposite of him. I bet you can guess what's on my mind, more like who. Sunny, Sunny is on my mind, what he said still bothers me. It follows me in my mind like a lost puppy that you just can't shake.

Even when he's not here he finds a way to attack me and hurt my feelings without laying a hand on me. He's usually the sweet one, who makes me smile. But right now he just makes me want to cry, even Chip never hurt me this much. Even on his worst day, he can call me every name in the book, cheat on me multiple times, hell I could walk in on him and still not feel this shitty.

Okay maybe that's a lie, but still I feel pretty shitty. I sat up just a little and grabbed my phone I went to his contact and was about to call him, but I don't want him to feel like he won. The fact that I'm in bed with Chip makes him right, and I just can't let him be right or at least let him know he's right.

I put my phone down and laid back down. Then Chip turned over and threw his arm over top of me. I just laid there feeling empty and alone. If I would have been laying with Sunny right now, everything would be feeling different. Maybe because if I was with Sunny he wouldn't have cheated and he would hold me and make me feel like I'm the most beautiful thing walking. Like I am the best thing since sliced bread.

Chip cheated so many times, he hurt me so many times, he lied to me so many times, and I took him back so many times that I hate to admit it, Sunny was right, I just became immune to it all. The more he cheated and lied and I took him back, the more and more I started to lose the feeling we first had when we met, every time we make up.

I got out of bed and not wanting to lay there anymore. I can't lay here for hours and watch him sleep like I used to. I don't enjoy it anymore and laying here just agitates me. I slipped my clothes back on and my shoes ready to go home. I have packing to do, I'm going to Rockford to prepare to do my whole album with a producer my producer is friends with.

I walked out of his apartment and caught a lyft home. I walked into the building and on my way to my apartment I stopped in front of Sunny's apartment. I hadn't spoken to him since our argument. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door before I changed my mind. He didn't answer and I felt like it saved me from embarrassment anyways so I let it go.

I walked upstairs to my apartment and unlocked the door. I walked in and smelt food, and smiled. "Mmm that smells good girls. I'll be out to eat, but first I need a shower." I said running to the bathroom. I intended to take a quick shower but as soon as I stepped in I relaxed under the hot water.

Once I relaxed I really started thinking, this is the longest I haven't talked to Sunny and he doesn't care because here I am trying to reach out and he doesn't care. He isn't trying to reach out, I know I was a little more bitchy than I should have been, but to go a whole week without talking to me is absurd.

I hadn't noticed I was crying the whole time until Kalaya knocked on the door and scared me half to death. I was afraid of her coming in and seeing me crying, and I realized I was crying. "Rie you good? The food done," She said as I wiped my tears away. "Here I come," I said trying to sound normal. "Okay," she said before walking away.