bottled up thoughts

tristan

Dear Tristan,

It all feels like a nightmare.

How’s life in death so far, cousin?

Some say you won’t know you’re dead for a few hours, or maybe even days. You’ll continue doing your daily duties without knowing there are others grieving over your lifeless body.

How are you doing? I know I may seem insane by asking you knowing you can’t answer me.

It was sad, but it was still hard to digest.

I still can’t believe I won’t see your victory smile once again. I never told you that, but that I find that smile funny, in a good way.

So how is it so far?

Do you get to experience flashbacks as if they were real? Or can you read someone’s thoughts?

Maybe you can even make yourself appear in front of us.

Your little sister wants you to, just so you know.

Have you seen uncle, grandpa and grandma yet? Can you turn yourself into a butterfly and appear as one to us?

Some thoughts are insane, but I wanted to let them out even if I expect no answer.

Why you though? Why not those sick people who did this to you?

Why did the Lord take you so early?

It isn’t your due date yet, isn’t it?

You’re one of the kindest people I know. It doesn’t make sense.

I was scrolling through fb the other day when I saw a post that said ‘Sometimes God takes the kindest people because He doesn’t want them to be tainted by the devil’

It was that wasn’t it?

God doesn’t want you to sin anymore so he took you.

We were all planning the future including you in it. We plan on going back to Leyte and climb mountains again. Swim with light-emitting-creatures and floating candles.

Get a taste on that amazing halo-halo again. Ride on uncle’s awesome pickup truck once more. Eat fresh coconuts. A lot more actually, but then we won’t get to do it again with you.

I actually considered talking to you through my head as mind link, you know the one werewolves use to communicate with each other?

But in our case, the conversation is one sided.

Can you even hear me? I hope you do.

The mind link only works on packs, we're a pack right? The Perez pack. Sounds good, doesn't it?

And now I sound crazy.

We all miss you here, cousin. What happened was none of our control, but it was someone else’s.

Oh don’t get me started on the bashtard.

The ones trained to protect and given the responsibility to keep the safety of the citizen- are also the ones who did this to you.

How ironic, huh?

Well as they say, life was never fair.

I wanted to rant about that sick bashtard but I’d just end up with a long list of profanities and complaints.

All I wanted to say to you- you sick bashtard- is that we’ll find you and your sick friend and make you pay in the hands of law.

Okay this ended up as a rant, but at least I got some bottled up thoughts out.

I love you, cousin Tristan.

Til we meet again,

Sab.

[dedicated to Kuya Tan. Watch over us ha? Miss ka na namin, grabe.]