'Happy eighteenth birthday, Gen'
I whispered to myself as I watch the sun rise up and take its throne up in the sky.
Today was my eighteenth birthday...
It was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. But I just couldn't be happy whenever my birthday comes.
It would be cruel of me to celebrate my own birthday knowing that this is the day where everything was took off from me.
I lost everything, my family, my friends, my youth, my future and my life. And there's no one to blame but me.
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Today was just another day, except for the fact that it was my birthday. My plan is to roam around all day and find the very purpose why I am still existing in this world.
It seems that I am not needed here anymore. There's no one I can talk to. I mean, there is no sane person who is willing to talk to me. If I may add, in a calmer and descent way where there is no shouting nor screaming.
It had been a hard year for me since that awful day happened. Since then, I am finding my way to adjust in the world where I once belong. But I believe that there is reason for everything. And all I have to do is to find that reason...
The reason why this is happening to me.
I supposed that I still have a business that I must fulfill. I need to do everything that I can to end my misery.
In that way, I might find the peacefulness that I deserve.
While roaming around, my feet brought me to a park. I was kind of exhausted and hungry since I can't find anything that I could eat so I decided to sit down for a while on the bench in front of the manmade lagoon.
I look up to the sky and thought to myself how peaceful would the heaven be like. I heard that it was a place where there is no more suffering and all you would do is to sing praises for the Supreme Being who is on heaven above.
Thinking of it makes me feel recharged and energized. It motivates me to do good things while I am still here in the world.
"Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, happy birthday. Happy birthday to you!"
My imagination was still so high when I heard a birthday celebration song which brought me back from my reverie.
I then remember the today's date and started to pity myself but then I think that I should not be feeling this way. So I decided to check upon what is the commotion not far from me was all about.
Upon looking, I saw a family celebrating the birthday of their grandmother. They are so happy that by just mere looking, you can feel the joy radiating especially from the grandmother's eyes.
It was a perfect picture of a happy family. For a second, I ask how it would feel to grow old like she does. But I immediately brushed off the negative thoughts before it start to well up inside me again and make my day gloomy.
They just prepare a simple celebration but it felt like they are having a feast. I wanted that kind of life.
I was happily looking at them when the old lady look my way and smiled at me. I gladly return back the smile, as if it was really for me.
After a short while, I decided to go back to the bench where I was. I could not lose my smile from earlier. Seeing the old lady smiling at me was one of the good memories I had for the entire year. I don't know that I can be this shallow.
