poisonous girl

the night

I can't move, and I don't even know where the fuck I am. Several hours later I get up and look around, I'm clearly in a reserve because there is so many tree's, to many tree's. Stumbling I grab a tree to hold myself and look around I see a fountain nearby I know where I am at this point. I'm at the reserve behind my house this fountain is too far, I have to stay here for the night.

I wake up leaning against a tree, I start walking home, there are two ways I can go the first one is longer and has wild pigs that can attack me at any moment, and the second choice is faster but extremely hard and painful, I have to hike.

I know I'm to sore to have to run from fast wild pigs so I choose the hiking option. "I gotta keep going!" I said trying to convince myself I was going to make it to the destination I for once wanted to be at. I decided to sit down and take a break. I wake up a few hours later, well it seems like it is a few hours later, "John? What are you doing here?" I say extremely confused. "I heard about what happened darling, I'm here to take you home." I look down and start crying, the only person that came to save me is my own dealer.

He is trying to pick me up, because I can't stand anymore "why are you so fucking light?" He says trying to joke but I just look down, he knows that I don't eat I don't know why he would say that. No I don't starve to look pretty, I starve myself to die. Everyone who knows that I starve always asks that question, I'm sick of all the secrets, I'm sick of all the broken promises, I'm sick of all my friend's, and mostly my own life.

I wake up and I'm at my boyfriend's place (James) he walks over and kisses me, I feel his soft lips press up against mine, "baby are you okay? I heard about what happened" he acted like it was a usual day, probably because it was. "I would have been better if you came and looked for me!" I said breaking into tears. He grabs me and wraps me in his arms, the only place I feel ok. I fell asleep in his arms and of course some of my friends had to tell people that I fell asleep in his arms, they don't even know what happened. I know he is a bit of a playboy but I like him, and I know this is gonna end with me being a shipwreck, but I know I can move on quickly.

I walk home, by myself like I usually do, it is dark but it is peaceful i want to get high at this moment and feel like the happiest person on earth, that is kind of impossible but I want to be happy, even if it only lasts a second, I want to feel like a happy human being. I get home and my parents didn't even notice I was gone, what assholes I try to tell them, but they kept saying "you have an overactive imagination, now go fuck off." So like always I went to my room, cried, got high and cut.

I climbed in the roof, I like it it's peaceful, quiet, and dark. I can smell a dead rat up here, how am I surprised? I fell asleep on the itchy cushioning and I now have rashes all over me, but I don't give a shit so I get out of the roof and check on my little sister, "hey, Ellie" she looks at me with a red teary face, "hey." I look around her room which is being used as a storage room at the moment, "are mum and dad being assholes again?" I would usually say, I sat on her bed that has termites inside of it and I hear the bed creak. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" I say smiling "okay..." She says giving me a big hug. "Get ready, be ready in ten minutes" I say she nods and starts to grab her shoes, socks and her hat.