Indian summer

Chapter 22

Embrys POV

I rested back on my hands, letting the sandy gravel prick my palms. My legs hung over the side of the cliff and rubbed up against the rough sides. I looked down at the choppy black waves beating against the rocks below. The rocks didn't faze me, though, I had jumped off this cliff several times out of boredom. My jaw shook, however, when I remembered the last time I had leapt into the rigid water.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; breathing in the deep fall air. I could smell the salt on the waves, the dying leaves, smoke from some one's bonfire... but none of them compared to the smell I was seeking. I was seeking a person that smelled of freshly cut grass and sunshine. Dixie.

I clenched my jaw at the desire and pain that flooded me. I shouldn't have come here. I knew it would only bring back the pain I was trying to escape. But I couldn't stay away. This is where it happened – where I destroyed our future. Her future.

My shoulders started to shake and I swallowed hard. Whether they shook from the silent tears that wouldn't come or from the phase that was just itching to tear me apart I have no idea. I hadn't phased since the day Dixie left. I saw how much my pain hurt them so I tried to keep it to myself.

Of course that meant I was by myself a lot. The silence didn't ease the pain and the loneliness only emphasized what was going on.

I wasn't all that surprised when I heard the lanky, uneven gate of Seth approach me. Despite the fact that I was trying to shield them from my sorrow they continued to visit me. It didn't really bother me, I just felt bad for them. I'm not much company.

Seth sat down on the edge of the cliff next to me with a sigh, "Yow you doing today?"

The today part was key. My mood shifted from day to day. The weather or the smells around me usually had the most affect on me. I shrugged, "I'm ok."

Seth nodded. All he knew about imprinting was from the thoughts of others. He hasn't experienced the joy or the pain that comes with it. He, nor any of the others, had much advice for me. No one has ever had an imprint willingly leave them.

We are supposed to be whatever our imprints want us to be. For Jake and Quil, they fill the role of a big brother. For most though, they filled the role of a lover. No one has ever had their imprint not want them in their lives.

I must have had a sour look on my face because Seth sighed again, "We really miss you, Embry." His voice was quiet.

"I'm sorry, Seth. I just think its for the best. You guys don't need to feel my pain."

"That's the purpose of a pack. We are supposed to share each other's burdens." I looked at Seth, remembering how a year ago you wouldn't have heard something so profound from him. His father's death, his changing, his sister's, his recent experiences in love – they all have changed him. He seemed so much older.

"What?" Seth asked at my staring.

"You've changed a lot."

His lips rose in a half smile. "This is supposed to be about you."

"I was just commenting. You've matured a lot."

He changed the subject back away from him, "When do you think you'll come back?"

"I don't know, Seth." I didn't try to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"She said she was coming back, remember?" He said, "Just think of her being on a vacation."

"With an undetermined return... if at all?" I finished for him.

He pursed his lips. "Try to be optimistic, Embry."

I ground my teeth together. I had tried to be optimistic, but it's kind of hard when your whole world has fallen in around you. I had only known her for a week but she was my whole life. Now she was gone. What makes it so much worse is it's not like she's completely gone. I could run to Kentucky, it would probably take me only 24 hours.

As if Seth had read my mind he asked, "Why don't you just go to her?'

"She doesn't want me to." I answered automatically. Those were her words. My mind flashed back to that day.

[i]"You don't want me to come with you?" I had asked, unwanted tears rising up in my eyes.

She shook her head, "No, you need to stay here."[/i] Each word was a dagger in my heart. This was impossible. Every second of the day I felt a magnetic pull trying to drag me east.

"So?" Seth answered.

I looked at him and he smiled at my confused expression, "So... I need to do what she tells me."

He slid his feet up onto the cliff and got up, dusting the dirt off his shorts. "Do you really? From my understanding this imprint thing is mutual. She loves you. You should have seen the way she cried..." I shivered, I had seen the way she cried. It was a memory I didn't want back up. Seth paused for a second before continuing, "Maybe you could convince her to come back, or let you stay or something." He looked down at me. "You can't just let this kill you, Embry."

I closed my eyes and heard him walk away. I had thought about going and talking to her, but I had always shoved the thought away. That wasn't what she had wanted. Or at least, that's what she said. The image of her crying uncontrollably from Seth's mind flashed through my head.

She needed me as much as I needed her. The pull was her longing for me. I needed to be there with her, for my sake and her's. As I thought about this the pull got even stronger, my legs were moving underneath me without me telling them to. I shook my head but I was already on my feet.

[i]Your mom needs you here. Your pack needs you here.[/i] Her words whispered in my head with absolute clarity. If I were to give into the need, what would happen to my mom? I was all she had.

But the need was clouding up my logic. Before I knew what I was doing I had pulled my shorts off and phased. Seth and Quil were also phased.

[i]Take care of my mom.[[i] I thought to them.

[i]Good luck, Embry.[/i] Quil thought. Seth's thoughts were smug.

[i]Thank you, Seth.[/i] I whispered in my head as my legs started straining themselves to move faster than possible. I didn't need to know where I was going. I was being led to where I wanted to be.