the light was off in her room. she was on her bed, hiding under her blanket. her body curled like a ball and the only light that accompanied her was her phone.
her eyes were staring at her phone screen. she was scrolling her sns to see something that caught her attention. unfortunately, she didn't find anything amusing from her phone. she felt dull and empty.
she was sad.
the frown was plastered on her face. the tears she held from start had fallen down without any mercy. the pain that she held too long was still there, lingering and aching her feeling and sanity more.
she always wondered, what she had done before to be treated so wrongly?
she bit both of her lips tightly and her brow knitted together. she was angry too. why would they blame me? am i the only one who always make mistakes? she thought frustratedly at herself.
i'm tired for living this way.
she hated herself for living with a devil inside herself. the devil was her company and she hated the devil who was still staying inside her. she wanted the parasite to leave her so she can live a peaceful life.
but, it was not easy.
the more she thought that way, the devil who lived inside her became more stronger and persistent to leave her alone. at the end, she chose to give up and let herself live that way.
she felt sorry to everyone who know her, mostly herself. does anyone know her? not fully. she didn't even know herself either. getting to know about herself is a nightmare, she thought.
i am the mess so i deserve the blame, right?
another bead of droplet was streaming down against her cheek. all the solution she could think was to blame her existence to the world. she thought that she started the mess, the mistake.
she never understand how the society works anyway. all she know that the comparison of good and poor. the good one deserved a lot of compliment while the bad one received a judgment from people'a mouth.
she wiped the tears that keep falling continously. she took a deep breath to calm herself down. she put headphone on her ear, letting the music to soothe her heart. the alternative solution to calm her complicated emotion.
i know every life is a movie
we have different stars and stort
we have different night and morning
everything ain't just boring
his deep voice was singing in her ears. she calmed down from crying. the burden had been lighten off from her shoulders. at least, a small smile written on her face while listening to his tone that filled with mellow. the last words made her felt vulnerable and she understood what he meant.
i wish i could love myself.
she could relate that. she began to choke on her tears again. she wanted to love herself too. but it was hard. it was easy to hate herself than to love herself. but by listening to his song, she believed, she could make an effort affort to appreciate herself as a human being.
"kim namjoon, thank you for letting me listen to this song. i'm grateful to get a chance to know you and to love you. you are my source of life and without you, i don't know how to continue my life", she smiled widely, before she continued.
"you don't know me but you know me as ARMY. i'm thankful for letting me love you as a fan and you are my inspiration to live more strongly. thank you, for encouraging me to love myself more", as soon she finished herself talking to herself, she began to close her eyes, allowing the darkness engulfed her completely.
author note:
i was feeling down today so i wrote this story. guys, no matter who you are, love yourself even tho at the same time you hate yourself :) the story sound sad but yeah, namjoon is my inspiration. WAIT, not only him but BTS. They are my inspiration and im very glad to love them and i stan a right group :")))) they deserve to win daesang again so ARMYs, lets VOTE THEM. THEY ARE WORKING VERY HARD FOR US AND FEEDING US TOO MUCH SO LETS GO AND VOTE THEM AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY COMPLAIN OKAY BAII IM FLIPPING MY TABLE. oh yeah, mnet is a snake and i wanna fight em my table.
I guessed I have bipolar disorder. T___T lmaooo
ANW I FINISHED MY O-LEVEL EXAM AND IM SO HAPPY BECAUSE FINALLY I HAVE MY FREEDOM AND BYE BYE SCH WE WILL NEVER MET AGAIN 😍👌
