Jealous

Jealous (Ten's)

I'm jealous of the rain, that falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been... 🎶

I almost choked on my iced americano. The hell is wrong with the cafe's background music? Really, on this very nice kind of weather? Why so... gloomy? Uhh. I get my earphones and plugged it into my phone and just listen to my own playlist. Aah~ much better! I sip my favorite drink once again and look outside the glass window that separates me and the busy people walking past each other. Seoul is such a busy city. I wonder if this city ever sleeps.

"Sir, here's your order. Sorry for waiting."

That's the waiter serving me with good looks— I mean my sliced chocolate cake. Hahaha, never mind me! I smiled in return and he went off. Aaaah. People always turn their backs on me. Even you? Hahaha, oh my God. Stop it, Ten! Anyway, back to what am I doing... what am I even doing? Why the hell that guy is taking too long to come here! Uuugh— *kriiiiiiing kriiiiiiing*

"Surprisingly, you're alive!"
"Don't be too rude, Tennie."
"Just get yo ass here, dude. I've been here half an hour already if you don't know."
"Stuck in traffic if you don't know. I'm hanging up. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

Yeah, or I'll hang you up. Tsss. Time passes by and I'm about to finish the last bite of my cake when somebody hit me so hard at my back that the deliciously poor cake fell on the floor. I'm gonna kill whoever—

"Ooopsie. Sorry~ Hehehehe"
"SEO YOUNGHO!!!!"
"Oh my God, whaaaat?! I'm not deaf."

This guy is seriously killing me! I watched him as he laugh his heart out. Choke. And he choked. Hahahaha now it's my turn! We both ended up laughing 'til our eyes shed tears because of happiness... except me. I bowed my head down. Why now? I'm outside for Pete's sake! I can't stop myself from sniffing and crying as I feel Johnny scooted closer to me.

"I knew this would happen. Wipe your tears and let's go somewhere else."

I followed what he said and the next thing I know, we're sitting at the isolated part of the park near the cafe we were in earlier. Inhaling a fresh and relaxing air outside, I sighed. I lay myself down the green grass and close my eyes being blinded by the sun. I sigh once more.

"Not yet over him?" I nod.
"I don't get you, Ten. You broke up with him but you're the one who can't move on." I don't know why, too.
"Look. You told me last time, he's moved on. Right?" I nod.
"Then I guess you should do the same?" Should I? I sigh in response.

He remains silent. I open my eyes and look at the guy beside me. His eyes look so worried and I feel guilty. All of my friends told me the same thing and feel the same way towards me. Then... let me try. Let me try that thing called 'moving-on'. I smiled and ecstatically sit. His reaction changed from worried to confused. Hahaha, so cute!

"Let's go to my fave place!"
"Huh? Now?"
"Yes! C'mon! You need it too. You're rusting! Hahahaha"
"Huh! Ya! Was that a challenge? Don't dare me!"

But I always thought you'd come back and tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me... 🎶

So wrong. It was so wrong as of the moment to come here. Why are they here? This is my place! Why... Even before I open the door of the studio, I heard their boisterous laughter echoing on the room. I gripped the door knob too tight that it made me flinch. Well, I don't know if it is my hand flinching in pain or my heart. All I know is, I'm in pain.

"Uuh... Let's, umm. Pick Doyoung and Yuta! Let's go..."

I didn't listen to Johnny and open the door courageously with a fake smile on my face. To say he was surprised when he saw me was an understatement. Both of them stop on their track and just look at me. I bowed and smiled at them and put my things on one corner.

"Ya! Hahaha what are you doing there? Put your things here and we'll call Doyoung and Yuta to come here."
"Ha? Uh. Ah, yeah."

While Johnny was putting his things on the floor he whispered to me asking what am I doing. I laugh and told him that it's time to move forward. He smiled a bit but still worried.

"Uumm. Sorry if we didn't knock. We'll share room, it's fine... right?"
"Ha? Ah, yes ofcourse."

I am so proud of myself starting a conversation with him. How did I do that? Johnny snapped me out of my thoughts by a loud volume from his speaker. I smiled and turn my back on them. I nod at Johnny and we started warming up. I drowned myself with the music and never entertain distraction.

Time passes by so fast that it was already dark outside. Doyoung and Yuta never came for they were both busy. I can finally feel the tiredness spreading all throughout my body. Johnny handed me a bottle of water and we both plank down the corner of the studio.

"You were so strong today, dude."
"You think? Hahaha"
"So... are you really moving on?"
"I'm starting."
"Got yo back."
"Thanks, dude."

—
Have you ever feel like there's someone looking at you? Like, you know someone's watching you but in reality there's no one around you? Or it's just me? Weird. Anyway, I'm in front of my house now after Johnny dropped me from the dance studio. I'm so so so tired but happy at the same time and in pain also. Ya! It's not easy being me, okay? You try! Tss. While opening the door of my house, that weird feeling came out again. I looked around but there's no one so I ignored it and went inside to take some rest. This is the start of my new life.