dreamland (bill skarsgard one shots)

08. moment of clarity

WARNINGS: mild sexual content, swearing, angst, mentions of cheating

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It was a glorious winter morning. The cool air bit into your skin the moment you stepped out onto the open porch that connected to the cozy cabin you'd been tucked into for the night. The sun had barely begun to rise, leaving the sky an odd pinkish blue hue.

Your breath came out before you in white plumes, curling into the air and disappearing thereafter. You leaned up against the sturdy wood railing, gazing upon the beautiful landscape.
It was all like something out of a story book, really. A romantic tale of a boy and a girl, so much in love, leading a life safe and warm in their quaint little cottage, living within their means. But the truth was, this was no fairytale, and you were not in love.

At least, that's what you kept telling yourself.

You were not together for love. In fact, you weren't together at all. You didn't often like to think about it, for it only gave you a headache and left a certain bad taste in your mouth.

You'd met Bill months ago. Both of you had not been in a very good place during that time. He was nursing the wounds from his previous relationship. It hadn't ended well, and he was truly fucked up from it. You, on the other hand, had just had similar wounds reopened.

In an attempt to numb the ache, you'd taken to each other, ending up in bed together after a party one night. It should have only been a one night stand, but an addiction had begun to form, and you ran to one another night after night, ending up between the sheets dozens of times. For those few short hours spent together, you could feel again.

Bill lit you on fire, and the burn was so delicious, you could not get enough. You craved it, you lived for it. And so did he. The amount of passion and intensity he experienced with you was unlike anything he'd ever felt in his life. What started as an unbridled lust turned into so much more, and after nearly three months of sleeping together, Bill found himself developing feelings for you.

But you'd told him in the beginning that feelings weren't meant to be caught, that you couldn't deal with another relationship, and if feelings came into play, you would immediately walk away so they couldn't manifest deeper. So, for fear of losing you, Bill kept his feelings to himself. You were the only thing that made him feel whole, how could he lose you?

You continued on just like you always had. Pretending you were just friends during the day, all while fucking the hell out of each other after hours. This went on for quite some time. Months, even. And then, all at once, things came to a halt.

Bill had to leave, telling you he was going to be filming a new movie and that it required him to leave the states for a time, spending his days up in Canada. You thought you'd be okay. After all, you weren't in a relationship. Nothing was tying him down, he was free to come and go as he pleased.

But those months that he was away proved to be the hardest few months you'd had to go through. You slept with others in an attempt to fill the void you felt, but none of them could ever measure up to him. The way he knew your body so well, knew when to be rough, when to be gentle, what to do to ruin you.

When he finally did come back, you engaged in the most intense, mind-blowing sex you'd ever experienced in your life. And that night, while you lay in bed, covers draped over your figures as you shared a cigarette, he made a proposition to you.