One Missed Call | ✓

CHAPTER TWELVE

"She lost so much blood!"
"Blood transfusion first..."
"...But that will put the baby at risk if we don't do the operation now!"
"...will lose either one of them if..."
"...Please save her..."

Hurried voices of different people speaking at once overlapped the white noise from the background. The frantic heartbeat on a machine was heard after.

"We're losing her!"
"Doctor, blood pressure... fluctuating..."

Pain. All Jisoo felt was pain. She could feel her eyes opening, meeting bright lights, until tiredness made them close again. When her lids opened for the second time, she could see the light blocked by shadows of men hovering above her. Little light peeked through their shoulders as they moved delicately, blinding Jisoo from time to time. At that moment, she couldn't feel anything but numbness in her body. Weariness wore her down like rocks sitting on her shoulders and it wouldn't hurt if she gave in, right?

"Baby... my baby..." she tiredly mumbled before meeting black under her lids.

-12-

Jisoo remembered the first time the pediatrician told her that they lost her little girl. Shock dulled the incoming whirlwind of emotions taking a toll on her already tired body.

"I'm sorry."

Jisoo didn't realize she was holding her breath until she felt her airways tightening, suffocating her until all oxygen was squeezed out of her body. It felt like drowning, letting the waves take her away, letting the cold water embrace her skin, letting the water fill her lungs until she couldn't breath anymore. In that moment, Jisoo couldn't differentiate the feeling of losing someone and drowning.

When they heard no cry, they checked for pulse, tried CPR, tried everything within the boundaries of the doctors' job description. Jisoo felt like the world was collapsing on her with every pump of the doctor's seemingly giant fingers against her baby's chest. But still, no cry.

Unfortunately, the unspoken had to be spoken out loud.

"I'm sorry, she's gone."

The little details didn't matter then as they gingerly placed the dead body of their child in her arms. Her eyes were closed and Jisoo wanted to think that she was just sleeping, getting her father's humoristic genes and probably playing the biggest joke on her by pretending to be dead. Jisoo studied her child closely, running her eyes over her entire frail body, engraving every bit about her in her mind because she knew this would be the last time she would see her like this. It felt more unbearable to accept the truth as she realized everything about her was just so perfect, so beautiful. But the truth was right there, right under the touch of cold flesh against her warm ones.

As much as Jisoo promised herself that she wouldn't cry, she went against herself, she realized, as her eyelids moistened with something wet. In that moment, drowning felt almost as dying. And maybe in a sense, the experience gave her the opportunity to review her life, tidbits of memories that were unimportant suddenly seemed so important now. She remembered crying one night, a bout of her mood swings, anxious if she would ever be a good mother to her child, of Jiwon's strong and unwavering eyes telling her that she didn't have to worry because they could do this together. She remembered lying on the couch, her head on her husband's lap as they read separate maternity books. She remembered hearing the first heartbeat of their child and how it made Jiwon stupidly smile like a moron. She remembered the first toll of morning sickness, with Jiwon holding her hair up and creating soothing circles on her back as the food in her stomach abandoned ship. She remembered how everything led up to this day, starting with just two drawn lines on a pregnancy test.