Why Can't It Be?

Part Five: A Moment

Harlyn

I am starting to feel my body again and I was about to wake up when someone leaned in to plant a kiss on my forehead. I smiled as I opened my eyes and see the most wonderful person in my life.

"Hey." He greeted me with tears in his eyes. I tighten my grip on his hand.

"How are you?" I asked. He shrugged and frowned.

" Why are you even asking me that,  I should be the one to ask you that."

"I am doing fine,  your turn. " I laughed.

" Is this fine? You don't look too well to me. "

I simply smiled and said, "Well, I'm just tired,  that's all. " He looked down as I said,  "What is it?" He started to cry.

" You.  . ." he let go of my hand and he continued. ". .lied to me Har, how could you?"

I looked away to the window, he stood up. "When did you know?" I know what he's talking about and I need not anyone else to tell me what is it.

" Last night." He sighed. "Gabe, well he told me about. .  everything except for one thing."

I looked at him puzzled, "What do you mean? "

"Har, why? I really mean why? Why didn't you tell me? " He started to cry harder. I am crying too. I have also been keeping a secret from him over the last 7 years.

"I never wanted to hurt you. In any way that I can but by the thought of never hurting you,  I hurt you more. " I catch my breath and continued,  "by keeping something that I know you would want to be a part of,  it's not that I don't want you by my side but I can't have you watching me as I cry myself to sleep every single night just to get up the next morning and handle the same freaking pain over again. "

" But you did! " he shouted.

" I know and I am wrong.  But I. . . I." I paused not sure if I should tell him that after all those years I knew that he's in love with me and.  . I with him.

"I, what?"

" I'm sorry.  I never meant to hurt you. " He held my hand. I looked up to him and.  . I can't bear the thought of leaving him any moment now. I know I needed to choose whether to tell him or keep my feelings to my grave. I ran through my thoughts but I know that I can't. I can't left him with that. No.

" I love you,  Har. I always have. "I was shocked that he told me that when I am battling with myself to not tell him those words.

"I love you too, Tim. " I saw glitters in his eyes.  " You're with me since we were little and-"

"Har, I-" I cut him off.

"You're my best friend,  how couldn't I." He looked away from me.

". . .  yeah" Was all that he said.  I know what he meant. The words I said hurt him but it hurt me more. Because even in my weakness I still can't say it back without having to press on with the words 'best friend'. I laugh at myself thinking I will die and he won't know about my feelings for him. His eyes only showed emptiness. Well, I'm responsible for that. 

"We're best buds after all, Har." He hugged me tight and I am lost for words. 

" I. ." I held him back. I can feel his hands trembling as e wrapped them on my back and his tears fall spontaneously on my shoulders.  I cried in his chest holding on to the moment that may will be our last embrace. 

- - -

Timothy 

She held me and she cried.  I can't stop myself from crying either.  I don't know what hurt the most,  when she didn't tell me she loves me back but instead insisted on the best friend relationship or when I know we only have so little time to spare. I don't know,  I really don't.