The Crush Complex

Out in the Open

After the lovely time that was movie night, I honestly had no idea how to feel. Following pancakes, the three of us changed and headed out to hang out at the mall. We really did have a blast, but I was constantly...distracted by Jason. He'd brush past me on purpose, always a bit slower than an accident, or I'd feel him mess with the ends of my hair, or maybe a little whisper right next to my ear. Just enough to send shivers down my spine, and never when Casey was in the line of sight.

I barely survived.

And yet, by the end of the day, she and Jason drove away in the same car after dropping me back off at home. I made it clear by the end of the next school day that we should probably stick to less touchy-feely activities.

Since then, Jase and I basically only spent time together during lunch (with Casey right there) or after the day was over hanging out by the tree where he had kissed me the second time. In all honesty, I think I preferred that one; with both of us clear-headed and no secrets between us.

There were no more kisses or intimate touches, just talking. Actually getting to know each other. If I thought I had liked him before, I knew I loved him now. It was a freezing Friday afternoon under the bare branches of our tree that I told him.

"I think I was no better than anyone else before I actually spoke to you. I had a crush on you because you're attractive, and you seemed nice enough. I just never had the courage to get close and talk to you. Get to know you as a person. But now that I have, I'm glad that you asked me to have lunch with you."

Jason scoffed, smiling brightly at me. "At least you admit it. At least you outgrew it. I never really saw you before either. The first time I did, that I really saw you, was when you were still avoiding me. I came over to Casey's house and you were there. The first bit I noticed was your legs from behind the wall of the living room, and you were wearing your black jeans with the little hole in the knee."

I laughed at how detailed his memory was but smothered it when he swatted my arm playfully.

"Listen. Jeez, Sam. When you heard us, you peeked out and I think that you didn't know that I saw you, because you just stared. But not like everyone else. I don't know, it sounds stupid, but it just made me happy that the look in your eyes wasn't like I was an object."

"Did anyone tell you that if you ever decide to quit track you'd make a lovely storyteller?"

I knew exactly what he was talking about. That was a few days before Casey got sick and missed school. He was right, I hadn't realized he'd spotted me, and I had been staring at him and thinking of how much I would give just to be able to speak to him without feeling like I was stabbing my best friend in the back. I was imagining a world where he knew I existed and liked me as much as I liked him.

"So how goes your plan with Xavier and Casey?"

Jason sighed.

"Since movie night she seems pretty over the moon with how things are now. I think us 'getting along' kind of screwed the progress I'd made. I'm starting to think that I should really end things."

I opened my mouth to argue, but he shook his head.

"I get you're worried about her feelings, and you're a good friend for that -"

I snorted derisively. He shot me a look and continued.

"But this is getting ridiculous. I think you're overexaggerating her response. I'll be gentle about it, you'll be there to comfort her, and as soon as she's feeling better and moved on we can start dating."