evanescent blots.

「viii」

it was a cold starry november night. our breaths came out in cute little air puffs that vanished seconds later. we did this often. just lying here on her comforter together and gazing dreamily at the sky, sometimes talking softly , our voices breaking through the night. in fact often enough to call it a tradition.

i remember our freshman year. we used to climb the fire escape to get here and just gaze at the stars in the company of each other. freshman year was when we met. i was the small town introvert and she was the shy geek. we connected like crazy and soon confided in each other our darkest secrets and happiest moments. i soon realized i was in love with her but the friendship was too good to be true and i didn't want to ruin it.

she was quieter than usual that day but i didn't seem to mind. i lay beside her silently thinking of the currents shooting up my arm from where our skins touched.
she nudged my arm garnering my attention away from my thoughts.

"what are the rules of love?"she asked me, her voice mellifluously breaking the silence around us.
"i fell for you when you fell for him." i said quietly.
"hmm?", she pressed on clearly having not heard my reply.
"maybe we just learn it along the way." i offered.
"yeah i guess you're right.", she said before returning to her thoughts.

all we ever do is think about the feelings that we hide. i know i was too late. she was in love with him. i didn't want to confuse her ever. i was her only friend and she was my best friend. i don't think anything was worth sacrificing that bond. so i'm not going to tell her. not now and not ever. i am in love with her and she's never going to know.