My Life, As I Know It.

The Next Step Forward

Middle School. The years we always hear about as being ones of the most change. You start to discover who you are and what you are going to want with your life, you're in an awkward in between stage of a child and a young adult.  You're in a new school with new people and new opportunities. Its supposed to be exciting, at least that's what they tell you.  It's also what I hoped to be true. I had a few friends that I could talk to after fifth grade was over but other than that I didn't really get along with any of the other kids from my elementary school.  I was hoping that all of the new kids would offer more opportunities for new friends. I had such high hopes that things would finally start to change.

My dad has already divorced step mom number one a.k.a my brothers' mom. She was absolutely horrible, looking back on things now she probably didn't help my relationship with my dad. She was always jealous of me, or at least that is what I've always been told. Why this was I will never understand. All I know is that she was mean, and hateful, and cruel and the day my dad said they were getting a divorce was one of the happiest in my entire life.  Step mom number two was officially in the picture and at the time I loved her and could think of no better person to be my mother like figure in my life since my mom and I were still not getting along.  Step mom number two's name was Rita.  She was callous with money and a little on the crazy side but I loved her. She spoiled all of us silly and was always finding ways to make us smile. She was also fond of paying for and participating in my various hari exploits. The first of which was perming my hair because as the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side and I hated my straight hair. 

I went into sixth grade feeling like a new person. I had my new hair and some new clothes and I was starting a new adventure.  The mass quantities of new kids was a bit overwhelming at first, although I remember loving some of my teachers. I remember Mrs. Cohen, every boy had the hots for her, and Mrs. Warren, who was the funniest teacher I've ever had. Things were seemingly better, at least for a little bit. I had my best friend Jerneece by my side almost constantly, she lived in the same apartment building as me and Joey and my mom thought they were good people so I was always over there. Her mommie became my B mommie, or my Black mommie. I had no perception of black or white though. All I knew was that I loved these people.  Life could have gotten better at this point because I actually had people who cared about me now but I was still depressed and I still wondered if anyone really cared whether I stuck around or whether I disappeared.

Going into a new school with new people was supposed to be exciting and I guess in a way it was. I had the opportunity to meet more people but on the other hand there was more people who could find ways to taunt me. I was never the popular kid, but it seemed that things could only get worse. People were coming up with new ways to be mean and they started to call me things that I had only just begun to understand. I was anorexic or too fat, they never could seem to make up their minds on that one. I was also a whore, even though I'd barely had anything that could be considered a boyfriend. In seventh grade I had one of the soon to be popular boys take me on one date and because I was one of the boys I apparently messed up to which I got a phone call that said "This isn't going to work out."

Needless to say that was not one of my finer moments. I also dated one of my neighbors in Indiana which was nice for a little while until he broke up with me over email right before Valentines Day.  I guess they weren't really boyfriends though because I was still so young but to me that was all I'd ever known.  It didn't bode well for the future though, assholes were just going to become a prominent aspect of my life, at least that's what I've slowly come to realize.  I did have a crush on a kid for about three years though, almost four.  He was a cool kid, we actually hung out at our sixth grade picnic...not that he remembers that. It was one of my happier moments so thats why I seem to remember that so well. He was basically Mr. Popularity, or the Mr. Popularity of my grade. His name, Drew Pavlovich.