My Life, As I Know It.

The Start of the Worst Four Years of my Life

The summer before my freshman year of high school was a very uneventful one. My dad's second marriage was falling completely apart and I was at a phase in my life where I didn't want to go outside, I just wanted to sit all day inside on the computer and sleep til I couldn't possibly sleep any longer.  I was also dealing with my mom's first marriage falling apart as well. Things only got worse while I was away at my dads.  I would get pictures from my mom of the house completely torn apart because Joey had had another outburst of emotions. I was slowly seeing a lot more of who Joey truly was and I was very much voicing my opinion on the matter.  I don't care who you are, you aren't going to treat my mother like she's dirt.  It was the first time in life other than when I was a baby that I can think of the two of us getting along for more than a week.  To my disappointment my mom wouldn't leave Joey for a while still.  My dad and step mom number two were done shortly after I went back home for picture day for school. 

I went back to Illinois after a very dull summer with a new hair color, freshly colored blonde again, or rather an orangy blonde as my mother loved to point out.  Thankfully she was willing to help me fix it before I went to take pictures for school. It was a long night of hair coloring.  The end result was quite lovely though and I was grateful for her help.  I started off school on a shakey foot because I didn't get the chance to walk around and see where my classes were before the first day.  Even though I was worried about getting utterly lost and not being able to get to my classes on time I was still ready and excited for a fresh start.  Now that there were even more people for me to get to know I had high hopes that I would finally have some real friends and stop caring what others thought about me.  The year seemed to start off right.  Not only did mom and I get to go to a concert for the latest season of American Idol but I was finally getting to see some family members that I hadn't seen in nearly twelve years.  Dad and Rita had officially split by Christmas, I found out the divorce was being finalized on my birthday but this was a plus in a way because all the two did anymore was fight. 

At the concert mom and I spent the entire day in Chicago waiting to meet all the people on tour.  They came outside one by one, I for one wanted to meet Adam Lambert the most out of everyone else. I was still excited as Kris, Danny, Matt, Allison, Megan, Anoop, Scott, Michael, and Lil.  Some of them came outside in the morning and had conversations with the few of us that were there and then came out again at night.  Unfortunately Adam got within 20 feet of me and then had to go, I was crushed. I actually remember that I cried.  On the positive side of things Danny actually remembered me from earlier that morning and asked how I had liked the concert.  He's a truly amazing and talented guy.  That was also at the same time as my long lost family came to visit. My cousin Briana and I had been practicaly inseperable when we were little kids and even though it had been so long after a few hours we were just as inseperable as before.  After all those years we proved that we had a bond that not even time could destroy.  Those were truly some of the happiest days of my life at that point. 

When Briana and the rest of my family finally left I felt like a piece of me was leaving with them.  Briana and I were in tears the entire last night we spent together, it was quite a mess. After that things started to get a little tricky. I was making it known that I was there for my mom and that I didn't appreciate how Joey was acting, and needless to say he was NOT pleased. My whole life it had been him and me against the world. I always felt like he would always be there to protect me and he always swore up and down that he would be.  This was supposed to be the case no matter what happened between me and my mom. But since mom and I were getting along so well and were as he put it, attached at the clit, it didn't seem that this was going to be the case.  Throughout this all I was still doing exceedingly well in school.  I was always a good student and even though swtiching from middle school to high school was supposed to be stressful but I was proving that it wasn't going to get the best of me, I was even doing well in math which was quite surprising to me.  In February things started to truly change.  Joey finally left, mom had finally had enough and they had decided to call it quits. Joey moving out was one of the most emotional things I've ever experienced. When someone has been in your life since the beginning it becomes hard to decide how to let go.