(Un)confidently Me

Chapter 4

My eyes fluttered open and I sat straight up, trying to adjust my eyes so I could check the time.

3:24 A.M.

I walked into the bathroom and washed my face off, all the makeup flowing down the drain. I sat with my head propped up on my hands and stared at the mirror. No thoughts came to mind. 

I just didn't feel like thinking. Or talking. Or anything.

I checked my phone, and of course some girl from my school texted me. 

All it said was, Julie says ur stuck up. so u must be, slut. 

I was pretty sure that there's no way I was a slut. It just wasn't possible. But could I be starting to believe it? 

The next day another friend, Rita, texted me.

Sleepover at my house. 6:00 today.

I quickly texted my mom (she was still gone) and left the house with a small bag of clothes. I checked on Kyra before and told her I was leaving, of course. 

When I arrived, Rita was really surprised.

"Dude, it's only twelve, whatcha doing here?", she questioned.

"Parents gone. Nothing to do.", I responded.

She shrugged and said, "Suit yourself."

I came inside and greeted her little furball cat, Ginger. Rita led me to her room and we sat on her bed.

"I'm bored", I said.

Rita smiled almost evilly, and said, "Let's weigh ourselves."

I nearly screamed at the thought.

"But I'm fat.", I complained.

"Oh come on, it's fun.", she replied.

I gave in and followed her to the bathroom.

"You go first", I told her. 

I waited in suspense as she stepped on confidently. 

105

"Oh my gosh, you are so light!", I exclaimed.

"No..I could lose another five pounds.", she said, ashamed.

I immediately felt my heart jump into my throat. If 105 pounds wasn't light, then what was? I was terrified to see that number on the scale; it was nearly torture.

I slowly stepped on, and squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again.

113

I backed up quickly and didn't say anything.

"How much do you eat?", Rita quietly asked.

"What?"

"I said how much do you eat?"

I pondered what she meant, and replied. "Uh.. three meals a day?"

Rita looked mildly disgusted. "I eat one. Sometimes none."

Now I felt disgusted, regretful, and shameful. What was wrong with eating? 

"What?", I said again.

"Think of it like this: you gain weight by eating calories. Less or no calories equals less weight.", she said matter-of-factly.

I was shocked. Basically, I could be skinny by not eating? 

I really wanted to tell Rita I didn't feel right and wanted to go home, but it would be obvious that I was lying to get out of this situation.

 I grinned sheepishly and accepted this as a fact. 

Later in the day, around four, I went home. I was feeling sick about thinking of starving my self on purpose. I didn't want to think about it.

I checked my texts, and found this:

Friend introduced you to being skinny? Keep up the work. I want you to be skinny when I see you next. 

It was from a blocked number.

Was I being stalked?