Plenty More Fish in The Sea

Chapter 27

Zainab's POV

I think I passed out from the stress. Everything is going down the worst possible direction, and so much is going on at the same time that I don't even know how I should feel. I'm still in a daze.

After learning that my baby passed away, I wasn't sure if I should be happy or sad. Should I be happy that I'm not fucking up my life with an unplanned pregnancy when I'm getting married in 3 months? Or should I be sad because I JUST LOST MY FUCKING CHILD. My head is all over the place, and my mum is only adding to it.

'WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!'

'I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET YOU GO ON YOUR OWN!'

'OUR FAMILIES REPUTATION!!'

If I roll my eyes any more, they're going to get stuck at the back of my head. I've let my mum know on several occasions that I couldn't care less about our reputation, but she still nags me about it.

In the hope of catching me doing anything haram, my mum doesn't bother knocking before she enters my room. She's barging in now.

'Zainab, how do you feel?' She brings me a glass of water which I take from her.

'Pretty average.' I take a sip.

'Well I've been meaning to ask you... Why didn't you tell me you got... r- raped?' She hesitates on the word, then realises that there's really no other way of saying it. Ever since I was discharged from the hospital, we haven't actually discussed how I got pregnant. But now that my mums anger has started to fade, I think she's starting to feel sorry for me.

'I don't know.' I stare at my hands. That earnt an annoyed sigh from her.

'What do you mean?' I give her a look. 'Okay, never mind, we won't talk about it,'

'Okay.'

'Anyway, I came to ask you if you think it's too early to proceed with the wedding... Haroon doesn't know about what happened, so I don't know what to tell him,'

'I don't mind.' I say, uninterested.

'Zainab, it's okay if you need some time, you can talk to m-'

'I said I don't mind. I want to go to sleep.' I turn and face away from her, wondering why she took a sudden interest in how I feel.

I hear her shuffle around and walk towards the door. 'And can you turn the light off.'

I hear the switch click and the room darkens. I close my eyes and pull the blanket around me. Finally. I'm alone with my thoughts- no one's asking me how I am, or if I need some pain killers. It's just me, and at last I can think everything over.

My door opens, and light fills the room again. Maybe not.

'This came in the mail.' My mum hands me a brown envelope and then leaves. I sit up and turn my lamp on, curious to know why I've received a letter with my name handwritten on the front.

I open the seal, and take out a folded paper. I unfold it.

Zainab,

Ever since you left New York, I can't stop thinking. About you, about us, about everything. I remember when you told me that just because we had sex, it didn't mean anything. I'd be stupid to think it did.

You've probably heard before that there's 'plenty more fish in the sea' or 'the grass is always greener'... but what if I stopped fishing after I found you? Or what if there is no grass on the other side? What if there's nothing?

Nothing.

That's what I am without you.

It took a while for me to notice, or maybe I did notice, but I wasn't sure, but I am in love with you. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just think I am, but there's no other way to explain how I feel for you.

Please come back soon.

Zerkan

I feel my stomach sink. How sad it is that he doesn't know about Haroon. About how I will never like him in that way. One too many times he's tried to come back into my life in the hope that things between us might work, but the truth is, we couldn't be more different. Yes, opposites attract, but not us.

I didn't notice I was crying until a tear dropped onto the paper. I wipe my face quickly. What am I supposed to do when he feels this way about me? I can't keep rejecting him, like I always do. Or can I?

I fold the letter and shove it back into the envelope. Then I grab my phone, and call Zerkan before I could change my mind.

He picks up instantly. 'Hey, Zainab. Did you get my letter?'

'Yes.'

'Okay... Well?'

'Well? Zerkan, I don't know how to say this to you. I've been trying to for the past 6 years. You and I are never going to work out... Don't you get it? It didn't work once, and it isn't going to work again. Your letter was... flattering, but I don't feel the same way. Please don't take it in the wrong way.'

Silence at the other end.

'Zerkan?'

'No problem. In a bit.' He says quickly, and then my phone beeps, letting me know that he's ended the call. Wow, what a dick.

I drop my phone on the chest and roll my eyes, for the billionth time this week. I shouldn't have even bothered calling him.

Just as I'm about to close my eyes, my phone vibrates and I grab it to see a text from Zerkan.

Zerkan: I'll mail all your stuff. Don't bother coming back to mine.

My jaw drops. Clearly, he can't handle rejection.

Me: I wouldn't have it any other way. :)