one shots // taekook

01. can you trust me?

four years had passed since he did that stupid thing he wished he never did. lying is the worst thing someone could ever do, the words still haunt him, the conversations, the things that happened after that. how could he be so stupid to ever do that thing. four years had passed since the moment he started hating himself, questioning his existence, not wanting to be alive, wanting to leave this world as soon as possible and not look back.

nobody knew what he really felt. of course he had opened up to his friends, but they only knew what he felt, but what had he gone through? only he knew. only he knew all the crying in the bathroom, in the corner of the bedroom, in school, everywhere he went he cried, but when he was with his friends he wore a mask. with his friends he was happy, he did like he had forgotten about everything and about him. the truth was that he hadn't forgotten about him still. people might think how come he was so stupid to love someone after what he did to him. all the bullying, the mocking, the hitting, the teasing, the never ending laughing about every move he did.

it was so stupid of him to still love him, but he was attracted to this pain, he was attracted to all this attention he was giving to him, he liked it even though it hurt a lot, he liked the attention he gave him. this topic has been brought up, over and over again since then. Taehyung hates it. he hates when they start talking about his past, about his stupid mistakes, about something he wishes he never did because it was so childish of him. well he was in fact in 8th grade when he did this, 13 years old, and practically still a kid and way too naive for this big world to ever understand what could've happened next. people still think he likes him and Taehyung still keeps saying he doesn't. he hates him, he fucking hates him and he wants him to suffer as much as he did or maybe even more. he wants to kill him with his own hands, he wants him to come and beg to Taehyung so he won't suffer anymore, so Taehyung would stop torturing him. he wants that, he really wants that. that would make Taehyung very happy.
one time, after he had watched the anime 'death note' someone had asked him, what would be the first name you'd write if you had your death note and he immediately said the name of the person that made him suffer most. isn't this somehow a reason for others to believe that he doesn't love him anymore? it's weird you know. his boyfriend, Jungkook at first didn't believe him.
he still thought, he loved him and hadn't forgotten about him, but now he claims he believes him. today this topic was opened again when Jungkook had seen a dream with Taehyung and the other guy. that day was very tensed for them because they had an exam and Taehyung was so stressed because he thought he'd do bad in it. it was gym class.

"so don't you wanna know what i saw in my dream?" said Jungkook and he looked somehow worried "oh yeah i forgot, of course i wanna know. c'mon tell me" said Taehyung who now was thinking of thousands of things he might had seen in his dream. "okay but you'll get upset" Taehyung just gestured for him to go on
"okay so we were together in the backyard of school and we were hugging and at that moment... um he comes there and you're facing him. you let go of me and i just look at you and when i turn to look behind i see him and immediately take your hand. he comes close to us and you ask him why is he here and he answers saying that he just came to see around and hoped to also find you here and he found you. you let go of my hand and i just look at you astonished because i didn't know what was happening. you go after him and tell me to stay here because you'll come back soon, you just need to clarify something. i waited for you for a long time so i go and search for you and when i come to the door of the gym i find you kissing with him. you look at me and i am just questioning why did this happen and you just say sorry and i wake up at that moment with tears." Taehyung just stays there questioning himself why did he see this dream.

"wow. i-i don't even know what to say."

"look it's not like i think about this everyday. i don't even know why i saw this dream too." Taehyung wants to cry at that moment. he doesn't say a word, he just stays in front of Jungkook saying nothing, leaving him there and questioning him all the time what is he thinking and what's wrong.