I'm Right Here (merthur)

Chapter 5

         Me and Merlin had been speaking just over two months before I began see a change in him. He was starting to become withdrawn again. He barely spoke to me anymore, no matter how hard I tried to talk to him. He didn't even go in my chambers.
It confused me how he could be so happy to hear from me one day and depressed again the next. I needed to ask him about this.
        As Merlin was just leaving his quarters I pushed over a small book.
        "Arthur? You never speak to me down here. What is it?" He made his way over to a stack of parchment and placed a quill on top for me. I grabbed the feathered pen and wrote.
       " why have you been withdrawn? Are you quite alright? I'm worried. "
        Merlin suddenly grew sullen. " Yes your majesty. I'm just fine."
        " you haven't called me 'your majesty' for months." I looked at Merlin with pleading eyes, though he couldn't see me. He searched around the small room for a moment before sighing and sitting at the table. 
        " I don't know if I can do this anymore Arthur. It's too difficult for me. It hurts."
        " What hurts, Merlin?"
        Merlin smiled weakly. " This. " he gestured vaguely " Not being able to actually see you. Touch you. I don't even remember what you actually look like. Just blurred memories. It's breaking me."
        I took a step back. I guess I had never truly realized how much I meant to Merlin until this moment. Of course I knew I mattered to him. But I thought words would be enough.
        " Merlin. I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise." I put my hand on his shoulder and he seemed to notice. He placed his hand on his shoulder where my hand was.
        "But we don't know how long that will be. If ever." He dropped his hand and so did I.
        "There has to be something we can do. You're magic. There must be something." 
        " I don't know Arthur. I don't know. " and with that he stood from his seat and walked out.