Speak

Bottled Up Emotions

I don't know. I don't know how to deal with these bottled up emotions of mine. I don't know how to rid myself of this pain I suffer, I don't know how to continue living like life is something I should be excited about. All I keep doing is reading and writing poetry. Reading and writing. Reading, writing, and crying – crying my eyes out because your face glowing like Venus on a dark night is etched onto my memory, haunting my dreams again. Crying because your voice is the only thing I'm able to hear even when I try so hard to drown them out with the music I play. Crying because your warmth is the only thing I crave, even during the heat of summer. Crying because I don't know how to deal with these bottled up emotions of mine.

I keep trying so damn hard to figure what I want, but darling, you're such a perfect paradox for me. There are times when all I want is you, and there are times when I would rather die than see your face; you break me, but you fix me too. And I don't know what's worse, craving the taste of your bruises or walking away from the medicine you hold – and I don't know what to choose or how to choose. But all I know is that I need to choose. And all I know is that you make me happy too.

I don't know how to deal with these bottled up emotions of mine – and maybe that's why I keep torturing myself over and over again. They say leaving things to wonder is never good, but no, some are better left unknown because you never know the power such things hold; until they knock the air out of your lungs and the strength from your knees. I don't know, I want you – but I don't want you. All my life has become is just one complicated contradiction and I can't choose, I want to choose, but I don't know what to choose, somebody please tell me what do!

I keep trying so damn hard to figure what I want, but darling, you are all that I have ever wanted – how can I possibly choose between that and none? I know, I can't, even though it's going to eat me up alive – I honestly don't know how to deal with these bottled up emotions of mine. I wish I knew, but I don't – and maybe, you can help me.