Benidorm-the funniest moments!

The Hotel Inspector

This upload isn't completed yet so please bear with me until it is!!

This was the final episode and by far one of the most violent! What with Joyce breaking Kenneth's two front teeth!! Also, very sad time as this is the last episode in this series :(  

Kenneth, a taxi driver, a scary dude, Neville and Norrine

(Kenneth and taxi driver) 

(Kenneth is drunk) 

"You know you have got a lovely face, but why have you got all that horrible hair? It's like crispy seaweed! Eurgh! I shouldn't of said that! I'm really getting that corned beef too young!" 

(Taxi driver beckons for his money) 

"Yeah, yeah alright! You know... You really have got beautiful eyes but you can hardly see them! Why don't you come in and let me do a lovely number two all over your head?" 

(Taxi driver takes his money and drives off in disgust) 

"What?! Where you going?... oh god! No I meant a number two haircut!! I'm a hairdresser!! Eurgh... Nob head." 

(Kenneth, scary dude and Neville) 

"Excuse me young man? You couldn't tell me which hotel is the Solana could you?" 

"Er yeah! It's this one here with Solana written down the side!" 

"Oh yeah. Sort the euros out will you Neville." 

"No problem." 

"My apologies, reading is neither my nor my associates strong point." 

(scary dude and Neville walk off) 

"Neither is brushing your teeth!" 

(Kenneth and Norrine) 

"Morning!" 

"Eurgh!" 

"You're up and about early! Now, I'm glad I bumped into you! I have a hair appointment at 11:00 and I was wondering if I could have it a bit earlier?" 

"No I'm sorry love I've had to cancel all my appointments for today I'm not feeling too good." 

"Oh! Is that where you've been-the chemists?" 

"No. Cafe Benidorm." 

"Aren't they doing coffee here yet?" 

"No. Cafe Benidorm's a night club!" 

(Kenneth belches loudly) 

"Thats what it is! Trapped wind!" 

"Not anymore!" 

"Now, what you want to do is go to the loo and have a ruddy good trump! That's why your stomach is so enormous!" 

"Right, now when you've finally finished giving out your medical advice, could you kindly move out of my way so me and my enormous stomach can get past!" 

"Oh I am sorry! I didn't mean to offend!" 

"And I'd pick your feet up as well because if it is trapped wind, you'll spend the day walked back from Alfas!" 

(Kenneth walks past pushing Norrine out of the way)

Kenneth and Joyce Temple Savage 

(Kenneth has been banging on Joyce's door for about 5 minutes whom hurling abuse at her through the door due to a change of locks in his salon door) 

"Kenneth! What are you doing here! It's eight o clock!!" 

"I'm here to talk to you about my rent!" 

"I'm not prepared to discuss that now." 

(Joyce tries to shut her door in Kenneth's face but he pushes it open and walks into her room) 

"Oh my god! What's happened in here?!" 

"What do you mean?" 

"When were you burgled?!" 

"Oh... Um...last night..." 

"Oh god! I'd better go and check my apartment!" 

(Kenneth hurries out of the room) 

(Kenneth realises that he is being removed from the Solana residence so argues/fights with Joyce over it) 

"Now if you will excuse me, I would rather not have a cat fight here in the main reception!" 

"Oh wouldn't you?! Well I bloody would!" 

(Kenneth grabs Joyce's hair) 

"Ah my hair! Not my hair!!" 

(Joyce pushes Kenneth to the floor and starts slapping his face) 

"Never, ever, EVER touch my HAIR!!!!!!" 

(Kenneth gets up and pushes Joyce off him and rips her jacked sleeve in the process) 

"My jacket! What have you done to my jacket?!" 

(Kenneth tips a jug of juice over her head then runs outside to the pool with Joyce chasing him screaming)