The Way Back

A Mother Knows

       

She dug through the freezer, pushing bags of frozen vegetables around. Stevie breathed out a pent-up sigh of frustration and planned on killing Lindsey if he'd eaten the last ice cream sandwich. The little sandwiches of bliss were the only things she'd craved since gliding into her sixteenth week of pregnancy. She tossed a bag of frozen peas out of her way and smiled widely at the sight of the box. Her mouth watered at the thought of the vanilla ice cream sandwiched between chocolate wafers. Stevie took the frozen treat out of the box, closing the freezer door shut and leaning against it as she took a bite. She laughed, gently rubbing circles over her abdomen as she felt flutters. "I know it's cold, but it's what I wanted," she whispered and finished indulging her midnight craving. Stevie put the paper into the trash and felt a chill run up her spine. She chewed her lip, a nagging, gnawing feeling settling into the pit of her stomach. She walked to the phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. "Please pick up," she murmured and twisted the cord around her fingers. No answer. She hung up and called a second time. Still no answer.

Stevie walked up the stairs and into the bedroom, climbing into bed and shaking a snoring Lindsey. "Linds, wake up," she pleaded, smirking as he sawed another log. "Lindsey!" she shouted.

He grumbled and rubbed a hand over his face hard, disinclined to open his eyes. "I'm awake. I'm awake," he repeated, voice thick with sleep. Lindsey removed Stevie's hand off him. "What time is it?"

"Lindsey, something's wrong."

Lindsey sat up quickly, thrusting the covers off his body. He jumped out of bed and landed on the floor as his foot tangled in the sheets. He pushed himself up and popped up, looking at her with wide, disturbed eyes. "What's wrong? Are you okay? he asked rapidly and scrambled back into bed, touching her face and scanning his eyes over her body. "Is it the babies?" Lindsey placed his hand over her stomach.

"Honey, calm down. I'm fine. The babies are fine," Stevie answered, patting his hand.

"You are fine. The babies are fine," Lindsey echoed her words and stared at her, blinking a few times as he realized what might be wrong. He furrowed his brows and flopped his body back onto the mattress, pulling the covers over him. "If we're out of ice cream sandwiches, it can wait until tomorrow. I'm going back to sleep," he said seriously and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into the pillow. The tired man groaned in pain as his significant other's bony fingers jabbed into his back and shoulders. "Goddammit, Nicks," Lindsey muttered and rolled onto his back. "What?" he cracked, slamming his arms down onto the mattress.

"Lindsey!" she shrieked. "Something's wrong with Libba."

He turned his head and gaped at her. Lindsey pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He couldn't have missed hearing the phone ring since it was right by his head. He didn't recognize how she could possibly know anything was wrong with their daughter. Elisabeth was over three hundred miles away, and Stevie had talked to her a day ago. "Stevie," he spoke with a heavy sigh, taking her hand after seeing the worry and fear in her eyes. "What's wrong with Libba?" he inquired, sitting up and scooting closer to her.

"I don't know. I called twice. She didn't answer, but something's wrong, Lindsey."

"Baby," he whispered, smoothing his hand down the length of her hair and stopping at the small of her back to caress and knead. "It's two o'clock in the morning. She's probably exhausted and didn't hear the phone. She had exams this week. I'm sure she's fine. Go back to sleep." He pressed his lips to her forehead and slipped underneath the covers.

Stevie shook her head and fought the urge to punch him, especially when his snoring resumed. She chewed her thumb nail and debated on trying to get her daughter on the phone a third time. Maybe Lindsey was right. Lately, she found herself worrying over the silliest, tiniest things. She pulled the covers back and moved around until her nest was comfortably made, restlessly sleeping as she attempted to quiet her motherly intuition.

The distressed mother gave up on sleeping peacefully and unraveled Lindsey's arms from around her. She slid out of bed and stretched her back. Stevie padded into the hall and turned her blonde head, gazing at Elisabeth's door before walking to it. She brushed her fingers over the cursive hand painted quote Libba had decided to put on her door during her sophomore year of high school. Nothing can dim the light that shines from within. Stevie stepped back, admiring the watercolor hues of pink and purple underneath Maya Angelou's words. She turned the knob to the door and quietly stepped inside, gasping in surprise. Stevie sank down onto the bed and observed the sleeping form. Like her father, Elisabeth loved to sleep on her stomach but preferred to stick her head under the pillow. Stevie lifted the pillow, and her eyes widened to the size of saucers. Her baby's beautiful chocolate locks had been dyed a deep vibrant shade of red and cut several inches. She ran her fingers though her daughter's hair and sighed heavily. There was always a reason why a female changed her hair, and it usually involved a break up or a shake up in a relationship. Stevie dropped her hand onto the middle of her baby's back. "Libba," she whispered, shaking gently. She hated to wake her, safely assuming the girl had driven half the night.

Libba stirred and lifted her head, rubbing her eyes. She turned over and sat up, meeting her mother's all-knowing wise eyes. Stevie winced internally at the sight of her little girl's puffy, red rimmed eyes. She opened her arms, encircling Libba in an embrace and despising her intuition for not failing her. Elisabeth buried her face into her mother's chest, clutching to her tightly and sobbing. "Talk to mama, baby," Stevie implored as Libba's whole body shook. She rubbed her back and kissed her head.

"He left," Libba choked out, sniffling and wiping her nose with her sleeve. She lifted her head and looked at her mother's face. "Mama, he left. I don't know if he'll come back."

"What happened?" she inquired, realizing the situation had to be serious. Libba and Andrew had been together for close to six years.

Elisabeth cried harder and tucked her head into the crook of Stevie's neck. She gasped for air the more she cried, and she knew she needed to get ahold of herself.  She twirled her mom's hair around her finger like she had when she was a baby. The simple action calmed her after several minutes. "Andrew proposed. I said no," she confessed as her bottom lip quivered and fresh tears threatened to fall. "I hurt him. I broke his heart, mama. I don't know if he'll come back. I fucked up," Elisabeth finished with tears rolling down her cheeks.

Stevie stroked her daughter's hair and nudged her finger underneath her chin, tilting her head to look at her. "Baby, you didn't mess anything up."

"I did. I love him so much, but I couldn't say yes," her voice cracked. Libba slipped her arms around Stevie's neck and wept. "I don't know what to do. Mama, I can't lose him, but I couldn't...I couldn't say yes. I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be."

Stevie's heart shattered as she sucked in a sharp breath, feeling pangs of guilt. This was her fault. She'd always been against the idea of marriage except that one time she went insane after Robin passed away, but her feelings toward marriage had rubbed off on her child. Stevie didn't want to think about how many times Libba had overheard conversations or read interviews of her expressing her feelings about wedlock. She held onto Elisabeth tighter and kissed the crown of her head, rocking her back and forth in her arms. Stevie sighed with relief when her daughter gave into sleep. Stevie needed more answers out of Elisabeth but not until she was fully rested. She tucked her in and kissed her forehead. "I love you," she said in a quiet voice.

"Stay," Libba murmured hoarsely, looking at her through sleep veiled eyes.

"I'll stay with you," Stevie responded tenderly and slipped into her daughter's bed.

Elisabeth cuddled into her as close as she could, resting her head on her mom's chest. Stevie stroked her hair and hummed Rhiannon to lull Libba into a deep slumber. She decided she'd have to fix matters between the young couple. In her heart, she knew Andrew was the one for Elisabeth. She wouldn't let her daughter make the same mistakes in love that she had.