I Still Don't Understand
Your voice razors against black boards
The memory of you an infected wound
Still oozing bloody tears and stinging words
(I stayed up till four a.m. whispering
To the ceiling all the things I dared not
Tell you in person)
I can not begin to comprehend what
Changed in me that day
(Had you approached me thirty minutes
Earlier I would have resembled a
Young (deluded)
Maiden in love)
All I recall is a bubble
Being trapped in that bubble
A needle that strayed too near
A POP
And tumbling out
Of "love"
(I stare at my reflection in the mirror
Trying to find the bits and pieces of
Me that you said you
Loved but
I don't see anything but
A scarred (scared) girl)
You danced around the truth (inelegantly)
Tripping and stumbling and falling so often
I eventually stopped wincing each time you
Fell to the ground with a resounding crash
(Midnight approaches yet
I still fail to comprehend what it was about
Your words that I
Adored so)
My stomach lurches in disgust
The butterflies in my tummy are
A nest of vipers twisting and hissing craving
Revenge
(Your face terrifies me although you
Are no Jack the Ripper
you (are a murderer in your own right) are
Enough to send me running for
Shelter)
Your desperate constant trying to please me your
Relentless attempts to make me happy
Sicken me to the core I'm
Sorry
(Where did the magic and
Excitement and fluffy happiness of
The past
Go?)
I liked (loved) you once
(Not
Anymore)
