Upside Down

Chapter Two

"So," a voice broke her out of her reverie. 

"So," she repeated, feeling numb. That was the first word she had spoken to him in four years, and she couldn't help but internally wince that that was what she had chosen to say. 

The silence was most certainly awkward, and painfully so; and the tension between them could have been cut by a knife, and then finely diced into teeny, tiny pieces. 

What was there to say? They both couldn't stand each other, and they both knew that. It was so obvious that they wanted to be anywhere but there. 

The both of them were stuck alone in the room, as it was long after everyone had discreetly slipped out (it was more like they'd all just left, and the two of them were a little too lost in their thoughts), and even Black had let them have a little privacy. Though she was really regretting letting him leave, now. 

"I- uh, I really should go," she offered an apologetic smile, which she was sure looked more pained than she'd intended. 

"You really don't have to- if you don't want to, that is," he said, running his hand through his hair. At that moment, she'd wanted to really just burst out laughing at him, just because she couldn't believe that even after so long, he still hadn't given up the habit. But she pushed the urge down, and did what she needed to do. For both of them. 

"No, I really should... It was, um, nice seeing you, I guess." She stood up from her seat, turned around and left, all without another word. She really didn't trust herself to say anything that wasn't stupid. 

 Lily Evans had never been one to hesitate, but she just couldn't help herself around him. 

It had always been something about him that had made her so uncertain, so out there and vulnerable, and she didn't know if she hated it or if she loved  it. The feeling was so exciting, so thrilling, yet so terrifying, and it was amazing. Or at least, it had been. She shouldn't feel that way, she knew that, because it had been four years, and she was over him. She had been for the entire time. 

But it felt like a lie. 

When she saw him, it really felt like something was hitting her in the face. Repeatedly. It was so surprising to her that she couldn't even take her eyes off of him, so surprising that she felt herself wishing to talk to him, all because she'd been telling herself for four years that she was over him. She'd been so close, so close to really believing it that it came as a shock when she realized what her reaction to his unexpected appearance meant. And she didn't want it, not at all. 

All that she wanted was to go back a day, and just never go to the meeting, never hear about him. It was so much easier pretending that nothing had ever happened, that her seven years at Hogwarts were completely "James-Potter-free," and she wanted nothing more than to back to that. It really was true, what they say. Ignorance is bliss. 

Alright, so maybe she wasn't always completely free of him, ever, but it was better than what was happening now, wasn't it? She knew exactly what was going to happen. They were going to work on the case together, and they were both going to end up feeling guilty. Guilty over what had happened, and she'd already dealt with so much that she wasn't sure that she wouldn't fall apart with any more. 

***

With all the thoughts swirling through her head, she had't realized that she'd already reached the abandoned playground.  She was startled when she nearly walked into the broken fence, and paused to sigh. 

This was always the effect that James had had on her. And she did not need it to mess with her head, not now. She was a strong, put-together woman, and she was going to stay that way, James or no James. The mission came first now, and she absolutely could not let anything interfere. Nothing.