Nicole M. Thibeault
Mrs. Shelton
English 12
07 May 2014
Choices
I never quite imagined my life turning out to be like this my senior year. It isn’t what I exactly hoped for, which would be amazing. In my ideal year, I would have gone out every weekend, I would have gone to so many parties, and I would have had so much more fun than it had actually turned out to be. But, my choices led up to this year being duller than the rest of my peers’ experiences.
My friend dated this boy, he was lovely, and I admired their relationship so much. I would have done anything for a romance like theirs. And that’s what I did. I met a boy, too, and he wasn’t like my friend’s boyfriend, but still, he was something. We had a little bit of infinity in a month and a half until things took a turn for the worse. Now, when I say I would do anything for that romance, I really did do anything. And that’s what ruined my senior year and my loveless romance.
Humanity is like that. We envy people, and we covet the things that we do not have. And we’re so rabidly determined to have that one thing that one other person has, that we would throw away our happiness just to have that one thing. It’s a primitive desire to fit in with the crowd, to be better than the rest. It’s almost an instinct, and it’s disgusting. Do you ever feel like you’re unworthy of this existence because you are not like the rest, or have what the rest has, or can do what the rest does? It’s almost like you don’t belong because you don’t fit the mold. Albert Camus once said, “Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.” He also said, “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
I once read that “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world… But you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” and that rings true in my life. I hurt me. I wanted so badly, I was so driven by that primitive desire, to be like the rest that I ruined my senior year, my relationships, and worst of all, my happiness. And everything caved in upon itself, like poorly cooked pastries, everything that made me happy. Now, I understand that it could have ended up worse, but to me, in my life, the way I see things, the end result was the worst possible thing that could have happened. And yet, I still like my choices. I don’t believe that you shouldn’t try to be something you’re not, because if it makes you happy to be a toad trying to be a butterfly, then be happy trying to be that hideous butterfly. I believe in the choice being yours to make; whether or not that one specific choice will make you happy, or if it will compromise your happiness. The fates will make their own choice whether or not you remain happy. Once you’ve made that choice, there is no going back. Accept the choices you make. Accept and believe in them, because I am a strong believer in things happening for a reason. Choices are powerful tools, and even more powerful weapons, and in this world, in this time, in this existence, you must always choose wisely. And this, my friend, this I believe.
