I noticed a change when all of the emotional songs that I listened to didn't make me think of his face. I'm a little ashamed of myself for this but mostly proud. I still wish to cuddle and be in his embrace but I don't think of him when certain songs come on and I don't think of him all the time anymore. I miss him, yes, but I wouldn't leave at the drop of a hat anymore to at least say goodbye. And that's why I think I haven't yet.
At first that's all I wanted to do but now I see there's no point. I will live on, whether saying goodbye or not. Sure he's on my mind every OTHER second of the day, but not EVERY second. lol whatever. But you know who does pop into my head when I hear love songs?
Not him, someone else. Of course he never did anyhow but I feel a change in me. And I don't think I could've felt it without him. Fate was aligned I guess in those few months.
No the person that comes up... hmm let's call him Earth. Not because I feel like he's my world, no that's too cheesy. He just seems so real, like planet Earth I guess. I know Rain won't get jealous, he's not the type. Fire doesn't care, he never did. Well I can't say that I suppose. But I won't get into that. But I know that I will never truly love anyone until I love myself, at least honestly.
And that's what I'm working on now, loving myself. Maybe one day fates will aligne again in a different way. I don't know if I'm gonna wait for it though. Rain, Fire, Earth, they're all things I use metaphors for because if I didn't I wouldn't know what to call them. Their names? No they're so much more than any name I could put on this page.
Earth is gonna be right this time. And while he may not be Rain, he could be even better. Though he'll have to try pretty dâmn hard lol. And it's not like I was ever in love with Rain, I just felt like everything was right. I don't know anymore, it's hella late.
"I loved, and I loved, and I lost you." - Fleurie
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I know this isn't what I usually write but I felt the need to get it out and so thanks. Love you lovelies!
