All the pain and the fear and the trauma. Maybe going through all that is what keeps you moving forward.
Eleanore and her brother join a different world that seems almost heavenly. She meets new people that in no time become family.
Like a tree, El...
As I tell myself the story of what's happening in my life, I choose to make it the kind of story where even the tough parts have a sort of inner beauty. It's ultimately a happy story, where every character, no matter how wicked, is doing their best. And let me tell you, it'll be worth it when I earn that Pulitzer Prize for best inner monologue - Story of my life.
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I look down at my food - a chunk of uncooked Ugali, a glob of unrecognizable vegetables all mashed up in a green mess, topped off by a coating of overwhelming soup -- and pretend to listen as my friends talk around me.
Sophia's pissed at me for some reason. Does she also think I had something to do with her sister's disappearance? We both know how much she hates this place. Heck, we all do. We fantasize about the day that we'll leave this hell hole even though most of us deem it nearly impossible.
Now no one could find Cali anywhere.
Her mother had searched for her and called her phone a million times only to get voicemail. After sometime, Cali's phone was switched off.
This is unheard of around here. It is open rebellion which will lead to dire consequences. I wonder what they'll do to her when they find her? It adds on to my anxiety just thinking about it.
But on the other hand, a part of me can't help but feel inspired by Cali's actions. She's always been stubborn, daring, rebellious even.
But not this openly.
Our youth leader, Mr Milan, had conducted a mini search party yesterday night, to try and find her.
A lump in my throat forms, like a tablet which hasn't gone all the way down as I recall what happened today at 3 in the fucking am.
"Ellie?" I look up distractedly and find Susannah staring at me. "Are you even listening to me?"
Susannah is my classmate, one that I'm glad to have out of the only 4 that I have got.
"Uh yea," I breathe distractedly. "Excuse me, I need to go see Mr Milan." My appetite is lost, and I have no desire to finish this horrible meal.
I abruptly leave the school hall without warranting for any further conversation. I decide to throw away the rest of the food into the trash bin, after making sure that no one's looking. I'm not in the mood for any more trouble.
I make my way to the staff room which was also known as the multipurpose room for its many uses such as serving as a Sunday school and a kitchenette all at once. It is also the second largest room after the main hall.
There is a stove at the farthest end of the room together with utensils such as plastic cups and plates that we use for tea and food, and massive sufurias that they cook the food in.
A rectangular table is placed strategically, used as a working surface and where they serve people from. The resources were limited, hence the multiple use of each.
Not far from it, there's a long maroon mahogany desk that sits in the middle of the room with teachers' chairs all round, taking about three quarters of the floor space.
The walls are a dirty white, neglected for years by the staff who are responsible for the cleaning.
I peek inside but I don't see Mr. Milan. I'm in no mood to talk to anyone so I surreptitiously head up the apartment building to look for him. The purpose of this visit is to apologize for my actions? After he left today morning, my mother tore into me like a rabid dog. My truth did little to allay the accusations so I was browbeaten into apologizing for being an "accomplice" to Cali's disappearance. They don't understand that I knew nothing about it, they all think that Cali shared her secrets with me.
I finally get to his door and knock. I don't know why I feel so emotional. Maybe it's because I don't know where my best friend is and I'm worried about her.
I softly knock again.
I hear faint footsteps coming towards the door and he opens within seconds.
"What are you doing here?" he immediately demands after seeing me, his voice laced with irritation. It appears that I woke him from a nap as his eyes look sleepy red. "It's still during school hours and you're not allowed to be up here."
"I-, I couldn't find you downstairs." My lower lip trembles, "I came to apologize."
"What for?" he asks, still standing by the door. I assume he won't be inviting me in.
"My mom told me to." I shouldn't have said that judging by the look on his face, but I honestly don't know what I'm apologizing for, even though everyone, including my own mother, feels the need to apportion the blame to me, I still had nothing to do with Cali's disappearance and that is just a fact.
"You foolish child."
Tears prick my eyes but I'm not going to allow them to fall. Not in front of him. "Sir, what I meant to say was-" I start but my voice fades. It's pointless. I'm unapologetic and he hates me for it. I shouldn't even be apologizing in the first place. Can't these people see that this is taking a toll on me and I need to know that my best friend is okay?
"Go back to class and don't come up here again during school hours," he says gruffly and shuts the door on my face.
The first tear falls down my face, opening the gates for an avalanche of emotions: confusion and anger being the top ones. Whatever I said in the morning is wrongly being construed, and no matter what I say or how many times I say it these people will still think that I'm lying.
I move away from his door and try to get a control over my emotions. I feel so humiliated. It has taken everything in me to apologize to this man for something I didn't do and it was all for naught. I'm sure he'll have a lot to say about me to my mother.
I sigh as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders, wipe my tear streaked face and head back downstairs.
