Love me or hate me, this is my life

It was all worth it in the end

I knew taking care of twins would be hard but i never imagined it to be this hard. Not even in my wildest dreams. Its exhausting I've skipped so many days of school i have a tutor comming to my house almost everyday. They are constantly crying constantly hungry constantly needing a nappy change. I knew they would need this i knew very well i was mentally prepared but knowing about what you have to do and actually doing it are two completely different things.

Levi isn't much help he poppes round sometimes but only stayes a few hours Joanne tries to help too but she also has to focus on school and her own life. So I'm basically on my own.

Its actually very scary. Being 15 and having two new borns living with you expecially when you live alone. My mum has not visited since the day she left me that note so she hasn't even seen them before let alone help with them.

I have not gotten more than 5 hours of continuous sleep since they arrived 4 weeks ago. i was actually very lucky to get those 5 hours. Its pretty overwhelming and they just seem so easily broken so i have to be super careful.

I have to wash my hands or at least use hand sanitizer before handiling them because they dont have a strong immune system so they get infections easily so before anyone touches them they need to be clean especially their hands.

I have to cradle their head and neck when holding them because they cant hold it up themselves i also have to support it when holding them upright or when i lay them down meaning i can only carry one at a time.

I Cannot play with them even slightly rough (as in throwing them in the air or bouncing them on my knee) because this could break their necks or cause their brain to start bleeding i also cannot shake them for any reason because of the same outcome.

Obviously they need to be properly strapped into their buggy or highchair or whatever so they dont fall out.

The room they sleep in cannot be too warm because they would forget to breathe likewise it cannot be too cold.

They need to be burped frequently because they tend to swallow a lot of air burping them helps get rid of it. To burp them i usually put them on my shoulder and gently pat their back ive made the mistake of not putting a napkin on my shoulder while doing this a and had both alani and Jordyn throw up all over me at least twice each.

I have to sterilise their bottles before i can use them and make sure the milk isn't too hot or cold. Feeding them breast milk is also essential for a healthy lifestyle.

I need to change their nappies regularly and use creams to prevent nappy rash.

Their bath water cannot be too hot or cold.

Etc etc. you wont understand how hard this is unless you have been or are in my situation or a similar situation. Its so hard but in the end its worth it. I love them so much and i wouldn't triad this for a thing. So many times I've been asked if i want my old life back but i dont. Thats the 100% truth i dont want my old life back i dont want to get drunk all the time anymore i dont want to constantly hang with friends anymore im happy i dont get stupid thoughts anymore im happy i dont sware a lot anymore its a bonus that I'm never lonely any more i love the life i live now i dont know why people find that so hard to believe. Maybe its because i always look tired or because I'm always taking care of them.

At the end of the day they are still my babies just because i had them young does not mean i love them any less than an older woman it doesn't mean im a useless mum just because my mum is. It doesn't mean im a slut because i have kids and it surely does not mean i just had them for attention sake.

So many people think young mums are really useless and stupid and i once thought that too my mum is the perfect example of a useless teen mum a steriotypical one. But me, and many other teen mums out there are perfect examples of normal caring mothers who are hated by the world for something that probably wasn't our fault. Even if a teen planned to get pregnant that does not give anyone a reason to think badly of them because at the end of the day they could be an even better mother than you are. You are pointing fingers, laughing, hating them for what? Because they are bringing a new life into the world is that so wrong?

People are stuck in one mind set its like anything a little bit out of the ordinary is just horrifying and disgusting but the way you choose to live your life and the way someone else chooses to live their lives could be completely different.

A baby could change the life of a teen just like that most likely for the better so no one has the right to judge. Any adult who has a kid knows how hard and scary it is to have a first child you know how much stress it is even if you are married and taking care of one baby together. Now imagine being alone your first child maybe even twins imagine that fear and then think about school how you have to try to do well in your subjects too an then imagine being scared to even leave your door because you know that people will be hating on you why would you want to add an extra fear to what we are already feeling.

I'm lucky to still have Levi with me and Joanne as a best friend but some are not as lucky as me they end up completly alone and society hating them isn't going to make that any better for them. By giving teens grief for getting pregnant what would you achieve? I'm not saying every teen should go and have babies it might be a good idea to finish school and find someone you are willing to marry and have a job first but to the ones who are pregnant who do have kids dont let society get you down you do what you can and care for your baby it will all be worth it in the end. The people who are making you feel low are the stupid ones to be honest.

Before you judge other peoples lives make sure yours is perfect!