Forever Isn't Long Enough

One

Forever never means for ever.

...

Normani hasn't always been in love with Lauren.

She has always loved her. The girl she met in art class with more paint in her hair than on the canvas. Who smiled with her eyes and sat next to a quiet  Normani on the school bus for two weeks straight, rambling about old literature that Normani did not and did not want to know about. The girl who painstackingly took out every single bit of tomato from every one of Normani's meals because she knew Normani hated them. The girl who got them in trouble just as easily as she got them out of it, with easy smiles and fast words. Normani has always loved that girl.

She just doesn't know when that love turned into something else. Something that made her notice all of Lauren's curves and how soft her skin is and the little things she does without knowing that are so endearing that they make Normani's chest hurt. She doesn't know how that love turned into something else but she remembers when she realized it. Senior year, in her room with Lauren's skin on her neck and a touch that was meant to be friendly but it burnt Normani's skin so hot she thought she'd scald.

She remembers everything being awkward after that. Everything seemed shrouded with something that Normani couldn't control. Something heavy and all consuming that made breathing around Lauren hard.

She'd thought going away for college would help. Distance, all they needed was distance. But Lauren was codependent and Normani was weak. She'd come back to the dorms sometimes to find a ball of brunette hair and green eyes on her bed.

"I'd missed you. I fucking hate college for taking you from me." Lauren would offer as some sort of explanation and Normani would smile and lie down and let Lauren hold her.

She'd pretend that the heavy  feeling settled at the pit of her stomach didn't exist.

It's Spring break of junior year now, Normani comes home and all Lauren talks about is James. He has pretty eyes and a nice smile. He likes old literature and the obscure music that Lauren likes. Normani knows Lauren is in love with him way before Lauren tells her. And the weight at the pit of her stomach feels heavier than ever.

She hears about James almost everyday for six months and she starts thinking she'll lose her mind if she hears about him one more time. She hates him. And she hates hating because he's nice and he has this intense need for her to like him because she's Lauren's best friend.

He calls her sometime in March. Mumbles a lot and asks about school and her friends although they both know he doesn't care about either of those things and that's most certainly not why he called.

"I uh, I want to propose to her." He blurts out after five minutes of mindless conversation.

Normani's world stops and starts so fast that it makes her dizzy. "Propose?" Is all she can say. It sounds squeaky, distant, she feels sick.

"Yeah. She once told me that she'd like the most important people in her life to be asked for her hand. And you're probably the most important person in her life."

Normani doesn't know what to say. But she knows she can't tell him not to propose. "That's...that's great James. Congratulations."

"Well I haven't done it yet." He laughs out. It sounds more relieved than anything.

"Still." Is all she says.

"Thanks. I uh, I better go now."

Once she presses end on the call she runs to the bathroom. She barely makes it before she's retching out the pizza she just ate.