The Forgotten Faith

                            ***
Death is as sure for that which is born as birth is for that which is dead. Therefore grieve not for what is inevitable.
- Bhagvad Gita
                             ***
Waiting here was a big mistake. I didn’t realise that until it was too late. When the bhajans and all were over, then started the true fun of these people. The Shiva Tandava music in the background, the sound of the Damru, the beautiful temple atmosphere and people dancing. All of it was too much to bear, maybe because I was too drawn towards it.

Many times they made me stand up and dance along but I refused. My feet would tap along with the music, but I would force them to stop.

I was sipping some sort of a cold drink they gave me. I realised later that it was intoxicating but it was too late. Someone had added bhang in the drinks. My mind was becoming numb and I could see only stars around me. My head was spinning, I had lost control. I too started dancing with the other girls and ladies and they looked pleased like as though their plan had worked and indeed it had. I danced to the beats of the music, feeling them to my deepest core. I missed it, the energy, the music and Shiva. I performed all the rituals that a devotee does in my intoxicated state. I did the milk abhishek and also offered the leaves that are Shiva’s favourite.

“Hey, enough of your dancing now, it is almost daybreak.” Came a voice from behind me. It was Amar as always. I had been dancing all night now and so he was very concerned. I think he realised later that I had drank bhang. He dragged me out of the temple chaos but I didn’t want to leave. I sat down on the floor.

“Don’t take me away. I want to stay here. I missed him so much.” I muttered.

“Missed whom?” He asked.

“The Lord. You know, I always loved him.” I said pouting like a baby.

“But you told me you are an atheist.”

“I am not.” I said giving more emphasis on the N word.

“What happened then that made you say that to me?” He asked me.

As my thoughts flew back to the past, tears pooled in my eyes.

“I once was an ardent devotee. Every morning I prayed. I took his name hundred times a day. My love was endless for him. Mahashivratri was a big festival for me. Never thought things would go so wrong.” I sighed.

He let go of my hand and sat down next to me. He was still expecting me to continue and I, in my state of lost senses continued the story.

“Then one day, mom was diagnosed with blood cancer… I prayed day and night for her but no, she left me soon after. I was so young. I was only fourteen then. Things were still okay and I recovered from the loss, I didn’t lose faith but my world fell apart when dad was diagnosed with a lung tumour.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I remembered his last few days with me.

“Why Amar? Why did he take my dad away from me? He took mom, I didn’t say a thing but dad? Why?!” I actually screamed those words and cried my eyes out. In that moment of vulnerability, I hugged Amar and cried. He only placed a hand on my back and rubbed soothingly.

“You don’t know how bad it was. I have seen my father suffering. He wouldn’t tell but the chemo was killing him. He went from a tall, healthy man to a fragile and old body. He had his head shaved and he couldn’t eat a thing. And when he died….” I paused and looked up at Amar who was giving me a sympathetic look. “When he died…it was unbearable. His suffering, he cried in pain and I couldn’t help him. No one could, not even Shiva. Why did he put him through that much pain? Why? I was his devotee, why did he make me an orphan? Why did I deserve this pain?” I cried so much that I couldn’t breathe. Amar was quiet all this time. He didn’t react at all.

“You should have some rest. I think you should sleep.” He said and standing, he pulled me up too. I could barely stand, let alone walk back to the car. He supported me by holding my shoulder and somehow dragged me to the car. Soon later, I lost consciousness. I didn’t remember a thing about what happened after that.

                                                                                    ***

I had a terrible headache in the morning when I woke up. I was completely lost until the memories from last night came back to my mind. I was truly embarrassed. What will Amar think about me? And I told him everything. My entire sob story like an idiot. That was so unprofessional. A part of me consoled myself saying that we were friends after all and not only acquaintances but the other part found my actions like a sign of weakness. I didn’t know how I would face him today.

Just then I heard a knock on the door. It was surely him and I didn’t know what to do. I had to face him but it was too early, I felt.

“Nitya, come for lunch. You have been asleep the entire morning.” He called out.

“I am not hungry.” I said.

“I know you must be feeling embarrassed. Please don’t, I am your friend right? Now please open the door will you?”

“Can you give me like ten minutes and I shall meet you for lunch downstairs.” I said buying some time.

“Alright. I will wait for you.” I was relieved. At least I had some time before I saw him again.

                                                                              ***
The door of the elevator opened. I had reached the ground floor. As I entered the restaurant, I saw him sitting down at a table for two. He waved at me, I smiled and walked towards the table.

“Hi. Are you feeling better?” He asked.

“Yes…thank you for bringing me back last night and I am very sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Just that…I acted very childish and I shouldn’t have bothered you with my sob story.”

“Rubbish! You didn’t bother me. I am a friend and a friend’s duty is to listen.” He gave me a warm smile.

“Now to brighten your dull mood and your boring day, I have planned that we will go for a picnic in the nearby park. Is that fine with you?” He asked.

He was so sweet. Trying to cheer me up. “Yes.” I said.

A/N:                                                              This book has been ranked #192 in short story in just two days.   Thank you for reading and supporting me. :-)  If you enjoyed it than please do vote and your comments are always welcome.