Mistakes

I'm not alone

//AN// *TRIGGER WARNING* Everyone be safe and if you need to talk I will be there to talk to you. Don't be afraid to DM me. Thanx- your sarcastic/giggly/band loving mermaid

My mother. Sitting on the steps with a half drunken beer in one hand and an empty bottle in the other. I knew that all my happy thoughts where I was sitting on clouds watching unicorns and puppies fly by were all going to crash down into the pits of hell.

//Dakota's POV//

"Mom what's going on. You haven't drank ever since shorty after dad left us. What's wrong?"

//Mom's POV//

"Your fucking father called. Ya he's in town at a hotel and wanted to give me a fucking call when I'm just minding my own fucking business! What the fuck! This never would have happened if I didn't have you! You ruined everything you worthless whore. What the hell are you wearing!

//Dakota's POV//

"Mom! Calm down you are drunk. Give me those bottles right now. How much have you had?

I tried to grab the bottle but she pushed me away.

"Mom don't push me! Now give those bottles!"

I couldn't grab the bottles and she pushed me and rammed me into the front door. I almost passed out by the reaking of her alcoholic breath. She put both of her hands on the door around me and I was surrounding by her.

//Dakota's POV//

"What the hell mom get the fuck off me!"

//Mom's POV//

"Hey don't fucking swear in front of your mother you whore! Go to your room and give me your phone you get no music for a month! No more paaaa-leeee rooo-yyylll!

//Dakota's POV//

"Your not even saying it right it's Palaye royale!"

As I said that, I used every muscle I had in my body to get her off of me and it worked but I fell flat on my face. I turned around and was laying on my back as I leaned up and looked at her. My mom came towards me and grabbed the collar of my dress and started punching my face calling me a "worthless whore and that I should go die in hell." I felt the waterfalls building up in my eyes and I had not one ounce of rage in my body. It had all turned into pain. Pain I can't even describe.

As I sobbed I knew what I had to do even if I knew it was wrong.

I punched my mom in the face as hard as I could and she fell down causing an earthquake in both the house and my head. I darted up the stairs skipping steps at a time to reach a place that was dangerous yet the only place I could get to that was safe for a while, my room. I slammed my door like never before and locked it. I face planted my feather-filled pillow and sat there silently, watching my vision go blurry from all the tears. All that was happening in those moments of silence, wasn't so silent to me. My head was like a cafeteria, hundreds of people, all with my moms voice, telling me how much of a whore I am and that I'm going to hell no matter what I do. I couldn't take this pain anymore. This specific pain, I haven't dealt with in a long time. My dad was gone and I was hurt but it was for the best, he ruined my mom and look what he is doing to her now, deteriorating her body like it's a wilted flower. I got up from my feather-filled pillow and began to walk to my full body length mirror. As I stared at my dress that was too short, as I stared at heels that were to high, as I stared at the face I had made with too much paint, I realized maybe she was right. I walked to the bathroom, that was luckily only connected to my room. I opened the tiny drawer and grabbed my bathroom bag I used for traveling. I unzipped the pocket that was secretly made and pulled out a shiny,silver rectangle. It was my enemy, yet my best friend.

I sit on my toilet staring at the shiny rectangle and pull up my too short dress. The old memories are still imbedded into my skin as I stare at my left thigh. I grab my shiny rectangle and push and slowly glide through my skin. As if a duck is landing on the crisp blue water. Except this time, it was red and it was wishing for more ducks to land. I pushed the shiny rectangle against my skin several times. It had looked like someone had freshly ice skated back and forth on my skin. As my face has dry waterfalls upon it, I hold the shiny rectangle up to the light and slightly twist it and see the change in color of the rectangle. I pull my too short dress down and get up from the toilet. I tuck my shiny rectangle into its pocket and tuck it away for the next adventure. I walk to my dresser and get some just right pajama bottoms which were black and white plad and grab a just right black long sleeve. I hop into bed and my head is dead. Not a sound or thought. Was I even real? I started thinking about how much I could really use Remi's voice to soothe me but I couldn't. I could not take this much pain anymore so I unlocked my door and slowly peeped my head down the stairs. In front of the door, was lying something, not my mom, but my phone. Did she leave it there on purpose or was she too drunk to know she left it. I slowly creep down the stairs just waiting for a creak to happen. I grab my phone and creep back up the stairs. Lock my door and breath which was hard enough to do. Grab my earbuds and blast Two many people so loud, the only thing in the world right now in this moment is Remi's voice, someone who truly cares about me.

Tell me I'll be fine
Tell me sweet sweet lies
Cause I'm dead inside
Cause I'm dead inside tonight

Oh yeah
Oh no, ah yeah, yeah

And oh there's too many people
There's too many people
That walk alone
And I, I don't know what love is
Oh I don't know what love is
Until you say goodbye

That night I fall asleep to a mans voice who tells me I'm not alone in this world.

//AN// hey hope everyone is having a great day. Sorry for such a triggering chapter but it goes with the story. Everyone remember, "Know this, you can start over, every morning." -Tyler Joseph Love- your sarcastic/giggly/band loving mermaid