Dead Apples

14- Drunk Nights

I don't drink.

At least, I didn't.

I didn't drink because Robby told me not to and I always listened to what he said. I didn't drink because my father didn't want me to end up like him.

But Robby is in jail and my father is at a bar in town, so I'm left alone and I know where my father's stash of alcohol is under the kitchen cabinets. I'm tired and I'm lost. I know that drinking alcohol won't make my problems go away—it could even make them worse—but I don't know how else I can survive another week.

Just one time, one drink, to distract myself from what's going on right now with my brother and my dad—who has been drinking more than usual now with what's happening to Robby.

At least, I tell myself that it's just one drink but just half an hour later, I find myself outside in the orchard, leaning against a naked tree with a bottle of whiskey in my fist and a painful burn in my throat that I'd never felt before. It feels good though, I feel lighter.

Alcohol is a depressant, meaning that everything about you slows down. Thought processes, movements, it all slows down. I can feel that. It feels like the world is slowing down around me, the world is coming to a stop. But then, after I keep drinking, it feels like it speeds up so quickly that I'm not sure how to keep up.

I want to do everything. I want to paint Amber's mural, I want to dance with Sage, I want to go swimming, I want to break my brother out of jail. I want to do everything.

Quickly, before my momentum dies off, I call Sage.

"Hello?" She asks me when she answers the phone.

"Come hang out with me," I demand of her. "It's a Friday night, I have booze. I want to dance. I want to climb this tree."

"Yaz, what? Are you drunk?" She sounds surprised but also a bit amused.

"I'm so drunk, Sages," I confirm. "Come dance. Remember that song about Helen Keller? Let's dance to that song."

"It's not about Helen Keller," She laughs at me. "But yeah, I know what song you're talking about. Sure, I'll be over."

"Bring Dex," I ask her because I want to see his beautiful face and I want to hear his melodic voice. I'm drunk so I can pretend to fall and put my hand on his hard chest. But I don't want Sage to know what I want so I cover it up. "And Amber. And Tyson. Bring everybody. Bring the world."

"I will bring some people. How much have you had to drink?"

"Sage," I sigh. "I believe that I'm very drunk. But... Sage."

"Yes, Yasmin?"

"I'm so sad," I admit to her. "Don't tell anybody that I'm sad, okay?"

"Okay, I won't. Give me like, fifteen minutes and we'll be there. You're at your house?"

"In the orchard. I'm not sure exactly where, I just kind of started walking," I answer her. "And then I stopped walking."

"That's fine, we'll find you," She promises me. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay," I assure her. "I just want to dance away the sad."

She promises me that she'll be here soon with some friends and then we hang up. I play some music from my phone as I decide to try and climb the tree beside me. My mom wouldn't let us climb the trees when they were actually growing apples because she didn't want us messing up her trees. And after she died, I never came back here, but now that I am back here, I might as well try and climb one of these suckers.

The cut on my leg has been healing but I'm wearing shorts—the only pair of shorts that I own—right now because I don't want my pants to snag on the scar tissue. I'm also wearing a warm hoodie and some Toms so I am well equipped to climb this tree. Despite my intoxication, I do manage to hoist myself up onto the lowest branch but I have to sit and hold really tightly onto the branches so that I don't risk falling off.