I know you're gonna tell me to show you..so here...:(
I'm fine..
It's not even that bad...I'm fine I swear..
Yes I washed them..
And I'm sowey I was just angry at the moment..:(
_emo_paradise_Â I love you so much...I just don't like the fact that I'm not good enough...
Please don't cut ðŸ˜It was out of the heat of the moment and I'm sorry 😥
I try my best to be good enough for you but once I get there the bar keeps getting higher...it's not you or anything it's me..I'm self conscious and depressed all the time...feeling bad about myself is something Iv had since I was little...not being good enough for anyone is something that's been with me my whole life...I never fit in anywhere or had any real friends that had my back not just people that say they are my "friends" and use me...Iv changed when I met you but now I just found a way to hide it for a while not entirely cure it...
Your love cures it little by little but once I have a tiny bit of it I want more...it feels good to just let go and cling onto you..when I feel your love I feel normal..safe...like nothing bad can touch me...when you leave depression and all my flaws creep on me..
Even if I get compliments on everything I do I will always find a defect...a lot of people compliment my welding but I think it sucks...it's like people around me want to make me feel better about myself but I don't let them. I don't like compliments by anyone but you...I know that you are saying the truth to me and not just lying trying to put a temporary smile on my face that once you turn around will go back to a frown...
You're the only reason I wake up..when we fight I wanna stay in bed and sleep my whole life away...the only reason I keep going everyday is not because of friends or family or anything...I only keep going because I know that when it's around 4:00pm I'm gonna get a messages that will make my life feel normal for at least an hour..
If I ever say something mean or rude to you it's just because my demons came out...those demons that hold me down from being normal..that keep those thoughts in my mind that I'm not good enough and need to push my limits to be better..that keep me depressed...but they run and hide when I get those messages at 4:00...
I love you a lot..more than you can ever imagine..more than you think I do...because I fear you'll think I'm a loser or clingy or too attached if I actually show you how much I love you...
I don't wanna hurt you..ever...
Please don't be mad about the cuts...it all built up and I couldn't control it...I can only hide behind a smiling laughing mask so much before it comes crashing down on me...
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SavageBlueSkye
