Aplastic Anemia took her life. I was there every blood transfusion she had. I would always whisper I love you to her and promise that I would not leave her. I would always assure that everything would be okay. That, God was just putting us into a test for I believed that everything has its own purpose- it's actually in His Word.
That faith of mine was shaken. Can you blame me? I've seen Leigh became paper-like. Because of her sickness, her vessel couldn't move well; I was there when she started to be bed ridden for she could not even stand alone. Her small body became so fragile that even a tiny cut could cause her life. My faith turned to fear- fear of losing her.
January 27, 2014
Dear Diary,
I really miss studying. It feels forever lying here on my hospital bed. What I am thankful about is that, Zack never leaves me. When he learned my illness, I thought he'd give up. Who would not? I mean, there is no assurance that I will live, right? I don't even know if I can still fulfill our promises. I have no clue of what way this suffering is leading me. One thing is clear, whatever I have become and wherever I am standing at right now, even the fact that I'm in the midst of suffering, God has plans for me.
Zach is the only person, aside from my parents, who never surrenders. He would always visit me, hold my hand, and whisper "Iloveyou" to me and the most assuring words that he would always utter are when he reads the Bible. I can't recall when it started, I just woke up one morning believing God; accepting Him as my Lord and Savior and holding on to his promises. Would I be selfish if I would say that I'm ready? That, I have no fear of leaving this Earthly life? And that, I want to end this affliction? I can feel it. I'm almost there- in my own finish line.
This is just too much. Is it possible for a heart to explode? Because, mine is close to that. All this time, what I'm thinking is for her to keep fighting. While doing so, I forgot that it's not easy for her. That, in the process, she's the one who's truly hurting.
