The Ashes of The Child

Death.

I walked into the living room. Lying on the floor was my daughter. Harriet lay there motionless. I figured she had fallen asleep. I poked her with my toe.

"Harriet no playing games. Do you want to watch an episode of Fraggle Rock?" Nothing. I was expecting at least a giggle, a smile, a stir. Something was not right. I decided maybe she was really asleep. Harriet had always been a heavy sleeper. 

I walked into the kitchen and pulled a bag of pretzels off of the shelf. I pulled the sour cream out of the fridge and dipped the pretzels in. My favorite snack. 

I walked back into the living room. Harriet still had not moved. I bent down and placed my hand on her forehead. She was ice cold. Something wasn't right. 

"Bev!" I called out into the hallway to see if I could get my sister to emerge. 

I wandered into her bedroom and found her dresser and closet empty. Bed stripped. All that was left was a single shoe. Harriets missing shoe. 

I ran back into the living room. Harriet still in the same position on the floor. I reached for the phone and called 911

" My sister is missing." 

" We are sending someone over right away ma'am. Can you tell me your address?"

I gave the operator my address and hung up. 

Harriet still hadn't moved.

I rolled her over on to her back and felt her stomach. It was rigid. Face as white as a sheet, my daughter wasn't breathing. Checked her pulse. Nothing. Tears running down my face, I placed my hands on her chest and began CPR.

After 30 minutes there was still no change. Nothing could be done. My daughter was dead. I ran into the kitchen, leaned over the sink and threw up. Sebastian came running in through the door and saw me. Lifting my tear stained face out of the sink I looked at him. I could tell by the look on his face, he knew something was wrong. 

"Syd, are you okay? Melissa called me and said that Beverly went missing?!" Of course. Melissa was my husband's sister. The 911 operator that I had talked to. I should have recognized her voice. 

"Harriet."
"Harriet?"

"Living room-Floor-White-dead," I said in between heaves.

I watched as Sebastian ran into the living room. 2 minutes later, he comes into the kitchen holding our dead daughter in his arms. Tears streaming down his face he looks at me.

"You're pregnant aren't you."

I realized I had left the used pregnancy test on the couch when I saw Harriet on the floor. Sebastian placed Harriet on the island and picked me up. Collapsing into tha river of tears we both looked at our beautiful daughter. Laying there, motionless, pale, dead. There was nothing we could do. 

" I called 911." Sebastian said in between sobs.

I looked down at my daughter and planted a kiss on her forehead. 
"What the hell happened?" He said as he rubbed my back.

I couldn't get the words out. Standing there helpless. And to think, a new life to go along with it. Or maybe not. It depends. 

We stood there for 15 minutes until the ambulance arrived along with a police officer. 

The EMTs had asked us to go sit in the living room while they examined Harriet.

They came into the living room. One of them was on the verge of tears. I could see it in his eyes. The other one looked calm and content, looking like she had dealt with this sort of thing before. But I could tell. There was no changing anything. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Harrison we are so sorry. There was nothing we could do."

I watched as Sebastian crumbled into a ball of nothing but tears. The pregnancy test still in his hand.

"Would you like for us to take her in for an autopsy? This can all be done later if you would prefer."

I stared up at the woman. Tears streaming down my face. I looked directly into her eyes and said,"I just lost my daughter. My daughter is dead. My only daughter. Is dead. And you want to take her away?"

Sebastian grabbed my hand and faced her himself. 

"Just take her to the funeral home. We need time to grieve and think."
Never in my life would I have thought that my husband could ever say something so deep. Sebastian had always been a romantic man, but I never expected him to be strong through this much of a tragedy. But this was amazing. I placed my head onto his shoulder and he placed his head on top of mine. I couldn't have asked for more.