meaning

Breaking down

I remember it well, the way you listen to me
The way you smile and nodded your head so you made sure the words I was speaking were valued
And the way you hugged me and gave me your affection
I remember it
Like it was yesterday
It was all a lie all of it
Wasn't it?
All fake?
Maybe I was mistaken
I knew this was all too good to be true
I look up and stroke my skin
Remembering the soft touch and marks you have left and abandoned me with
How pitiful
You disgust me
Your full of shit
I despises you
I wish the worse for you
Made a fool of me and torn everything I haves saved up for the so called right one
You stole it
You took it
Made it yours
But I'm idiot as well aren't I though
Letting myself get deceived by such ratchet man as yourself
I was an idiot
I was helpless
I couldn't see pass your lies
And yet I'm still denying it all
All of it
I still till this day denying how you sucked me dry and took me away and how told myself it was real raw emotions when it all along was right there
All fake
I saw it
Felt it
With my very own eyes
Your love your affection it was fake
How you told me I was the most beautiful woman you seen and touched
Lies
All
Lies
But I'm the case I'm the worse person for lying to myself
I'm an idiot
Im helpless
I deserve to die
I'm so sorry
To my younger self
How you worked so hard just end up like this
I'm so sorry
To my younger self.