Dear Diary,
I'm sorry I didn't get to write in you lately. I'm going through a lot of shit right now. Basically the though that my best friend and my boyfriend got killed. FML you know. At Trinity's funeral I got the chance to get up to the podium and talk about her and all of our memories. So I go up there and say, "Trinity was my best friend. She was the person I can go to for anything and I trusted her with everything. On that same bus she got injured in, these kids beat me up and she just sat in the book listing to music on her CD player and I was thinking, 'Why was she not with me that one moment? Why was today one of her days she brought it? Why was she not standing by my side like she always was?' I feel like my death is my fault. But I know it's not." After I said that, I walked to her casket stroked her hand, and put her favorite CD in there with her which was Radiohead's Kid A. I was never a big fan of Radiohead but she was obsessed with it. I went back to my seat and sobbed on my mom's shoulder and hugged her. My dad was rubbing my back and saying everything was okay. Yeah right. Daniel's ceremony was 2 days later and it was boring considering the fact that he was Catholic but I tried to pay attention in due to respect. I failed at that attempt. I fell asleep twice but my mom woke me up because I told her to if I fell asleep. I love my mom. Like Trinity, I can trust her with everything. But back to the subject of Daniel's funeral, the priest asked people if we wanted to the casket and say our last words to the body. I knew he was going to do this so,instead of saying all of my words up there, I wrote a letter and dropped it in the casket. Let's just say I really loved Daniel and we had some really great memories. I'm home now in my pjs, eating ice cream, crying, and writing (duh...) I'm thinking, should I plot to seek the same 18 wheeler who killed both of my loved ones? I don't think I could and it wouldn't serve any purpose unless several other people were getting killed in the same way by the same truck. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I'm gonna go to sleep early and think.
Sincerely,
Cassie
