when I was little I would run through the woods, trying to find peace in my life. when I would be alone, I would go to the woods and find my favorite spot to sit and think. It was this big rock that I went to and sat on. I called it my thinking rock. As I wonder through the woods, I look around me and study the beauty that is hear. I would lay down on my rock and stare at the sky, admiring its beautiful colors and the fluffy clouds that blow with the wind. its shapes, the silent calm breeze, and the many things that go on in my head.
while I sit here wondering what I'm gonna do in my life, I fill my head with memories of my friends and the past that I wish went better. how my family was, the memories of my friends being together laughing and getting along brings tears to my eyes. realizing that it was late and that my mom was probably gonna call the cops to come search for me. so as I'm walking, I start to think again and then the words in my head come out my mouth in a song.
" all I want in life is the moments in life that will lead me to a path of unbelievable things. the thought of when someone says they care but you don't want to believe them for all the crap the pulled. believe what you want to because live is full of decisions. you decide how you want to live your life."
I had reached my house and I had gotten there just in time for dinner. my mom had asked where I was, and as I told her, I was outside. i wasn't lying I just didn't tell her where i was at. I have a feeling that if I told her, she would ground me or something. my mom scares me sometimes but I will always love her. as I finish my dinner, I sit and think about my day and all the stuff I was thinking about before in the woods. while I go to my room I shut the door because that's what I always do. I sit on my bed and think some more about my life and what I'm going to do but while doing so, my mom comes into my room and asks if i wanted dissert but I tell her I'm good and that i was just going to go to sleep.
I pull out my journal and flip to a new page. this journal had so much stuff written in it that I had to start writing smaller so I would save pages. I write in my journal about my day. that's mainly what I put in it and some other personal things as well. I have had this journal sense 2011. one of the things that I had put in it was my decision between two boys that I liked. one of them was sweet but didn't see him and I being together in the future. the other had seen us together but trying to decide was so hard at times. I cared for both of them and loved both of them. they were both so sweet and I just didn't know what to do. having to choose was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do in my life. so I finally picked one. it was hard but I had to decide.
I had added the song I sung to my journal and I had remembered that life is full of decisions and that you decide how you want to live it. you control what happens.
