The Saga of the Mask

A/N. Warning for one instance of non-con kissing, some extreme threats, attempted murder, some mildly bad words, very mild nudity... and Gai.

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Kakashi looks at Obito.

Obito looks at Kakashi.

Kakashi looks at Rin.

Rin looks at Kakashi.

Kakashi looks at Minato-sensei.

Minato-sensei shrugs.

"Not my idea," he says. "I've already seen your face."

Rin and Obito sharply turn to look at Minato-sensei. "You have?" they ask. Obito puts the zip ties, serrated knife and pliers down onto Kakashi's bathroom sink.

"I just came to stop them!" says Minato-sensei. "Yes I have," he says to Obito and Rin. "He looks normal. There's nothing under the mask that you wouldn't expect from a mouth, chin and nose."

Obito turns back to Kakashi (who has pulled the shower curtain round himself like a plastic, blue shield and is holding a wet flannel up to his face) and picks the serrated knife back up. "Can I at least cut the flannel away?" he asks.

"No," says Kakashi, muffled through the flannel. "Can I have my shower now?"

"Can we see your face?" asks Rin, picking up the pliers. "I'm sorry we were going to hogtie you to a chair. That was all Obito's idea."

Kakashi's eyes shoot over to the blushing genin holding the serrated knife.

"Hey!" says Obito. "Only until we could cut away your mask."

"Or until you ran out of toenails," says Rin. "Either one."

"And like I said," says Minato-sensei, "I was stopping them."

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"Happy Birthday!" Rin and Obito chorus, switching the lights on.

"It's not my birthday," says Kakashi. "And anyway, this is my flat. Why are you here?"

Obito grins. "Doesn't matter," he says. "Sit down! Sit down! We made a feast!"

The so-called 'feast' consists entirely a cauldron of cheese and a plate of hard bread. The cheese cauldron, when Kakashi looks closer, has a tiny portable gas burner sitting underneath it. It takes up the whole of Kakashi's kitchen table and is obviously going to be way too big for the three of them.

"Is anyone else helping us eat this?" he asks. "And, more pressingly, why are we eating this?"

"Stop complaining and eat," says Rin. She has picked up some of the bread with a long, metal skewer, and has dipped it into the-

"What type of cheese is that?" asks Kakashi, watching in horror as, during the very slow and arduous eating process Rin undertakes, the cheese spreads in strings all over her hands, the pot, her face, her hair, her clothes, the table, and the floor.

"Gruyere," says Rin... although it comes out closer to 'Guu-eeeuu'.

"Is this another attempt to see under my mask?" asks Kakashi, flatly.

"Maybe," says Obito. He has skewered a piece for himself and is dragging it through the cheese. "But, if you don't eat, it's a waste of food."

"I'm not eating," says Kakashi, "and stop getting cheese all over my kitchen."

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The next time he shows up to the mission desk, the chunin at the desk looks up at him. "Oh," he says, blandly. "Are you Hatake Kakashi, by any chance?"