BLONDE

IF YOU DIED, I'D HOPE YOU HAUNT ME

PREFACE.

NOVEMBER 19TH.

Geoff looked around for Awsten, wondering where the natural blue had gone. He wanders around the small apartment, trecking to the kitchen, through the dining room. He stood awkwardly in the middle of Awsten's living room. He grows anxious, subconsciously running his fingertips along the words permanently attached to his wrist. "So keep out of my room, because I've seen enough of you today," it said. He didn't understand what that meant, and he wondered if it had anything to do with the argument he had with Awsten not too long ago. He didn't have an indication to believe that Awsten was his soulmate, especially since he had spent the last six months constantly on-and-off with his feelings for the blue-haired man. He felt bad, but he wasn't sure what else to do.

"Awsten?" Geoff had called out as he continued to pace around the living room. He walked slowly down the hallway, heading towards the door that led to Awsten's bedroom.

"Go away," Awsten replied back. Awsten was sick of the feeling, sick of the way Geoff had him confused and wrapped around his finger. He was sick of having to ask Geoff twenty-one questions to get an answer that wasn't vague. He hated the feeling of unease he felt when he was around Geoff, especially since that feeling was accompanied by admiration and love. He loved Geoff, he really did. But he knew it wasn't healthy for him. This wasn't healthy for him, the way he felt and the way he was. Geoff was wrecking him and he didn't even know it.

"Awsten, please," Geoff begged, placing his hand softly on the doorknob, hoping it wasn't locked. "We need to talk this out. I know I said some things I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry."

"I don't want to talk to you right now," Awsten said angrily as he curled himself into a ball. He sat in the corner of his room, the one he deemed as his "sulking area." He wanted to be alone; he wanted to be lost in his thoughts. He wanted to be alone, but he was scared. He didn't know if he could trust himself.

"Please-" Geoff began, but Awsten cut him off.

"No! Just leave me alone!" Awsten said shakily, fear lacing the words that spilt from his mouth. He couldn't be alone; he knew he shouldn't be left alone, not with the thoughts that wove his mind together. Not right now.

"You know what, Awsten?" Geoff started, anger fortifying his voice. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but what happens next? I guess we'll never know."

"You'll never know until we're gone," Awsten hissed at him, shaking from the trending anxiety that he refuses to play along with.

"Awsten, I can't deal with you if you won't even bother to deal with yourself," Geoff spoke softer, though still fastened with anger and disappointment. "You can't just push me away when I'm trying to help you."

Geoff turned the knob slowly and entered Awsten's room. He looked over at the natural blue, and he wondered himself if he were more of a blue than the yellow Awsten sought him out to be.

Geoff was worried about Awsten, there's no doubt about that, yet he was so angry. He was fuming at what Awsten had said to him, though he knew in the back of his mind that it wasn't entirely Awsten's fault. Geoff didn't want to believe it. He let his emotions consume him this time - something he hadn't let happen in years - and he had had enough with Awsten's behavior. Geoff thought about how he shouldn't blame the entire problem on Awsten but... He didn't want to admit that he was part of the issue. He didn't want to admit that there were other parts of the issue - some that he caused. It was too much to handle.

"I said to go away!" Awsten screamed at Geoff, who stood in the doorframe, staring at the boy. Geoff didn't move, nor did he say anything. Neither did Awsten.

Awsten felt awful about the situation. He hated that he was feeling so hot and cold and he hated that Geoff was coming and going and everything was such a mess. Awsten felt a consistent deep blue. His chest hurt and felt heavy; he had trouble breathing and he knew he was panicking. You need to rid yourself of the situation, Awsten thought to himself, you need to get out of Geoff's life so you don't ruin it any more than you already have.

"Look, Awsten, I'm mad at you," Geoff said, "and you hurt me, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you."

"Yeah, I hurt you," Awsten scoffed, "and you shouldn't. Why would you? If I'm so bad!" He felt his lips trembling, his eyes watering and his throat tightening; he knew he was about to cry, to break out into heart-wrenching sobs. Awsten wouldn't let Geoff see that. Awsten didn't want to make Geoff feel any more pity for him than he already had. He felt bad enough as it is, that Geoff was still fuming in anger and yet still was worried about him.

"Awsten-"

"So keep out of my room because I think I've seen enough of you today!" Awsten burst out. He had tears rolling down his cheeks, but he ignored them.

Geoff felt a pinch on his wrist, but he ignored the feeling and left the room at Awsten's request. He closed the door softly and sat down, laying his back against it.

"I can't help you if you don't want it," Geoff said quietly. "My sun still sets without you, like nothing ever happened."

Awsten felt a stinging sensation on his wrist. He looked down and instantly knew that Geoff was meant to be his, whether Geoff wanted to admit it or not. Awsten broke into a silent sob, knowing that his future no longer existed. His future was now. The present is all he had left.

Geoff heard Awsten's sobs, but he did nothing about it. Geoff kept telling himself he needed to be strong, to let Awsten know that he couldn't keep doing this to him. Geoff buried his face in his hands, his hair falling into his eyes. He felt so terrible to make Awsten feel that way, but he thought it would be for the best. He hated that he wanted to say sorry, even though it wasn't his fault.

Awsten stumbled into the bathroom that was connected to his room. He felt he had no other choice than to go through with what fate had set up for him and Geoff. He opened the medicine cabinet, grabbing the pills that were supposed to help him with his bipolar disorder. He opened the bottle, pouring the lithium pills into his hands.

Geoff opened his eyes after managing to calm himself to his normal demeanour, the words on his wrist catching his eye. His wrist had been hurting for the last few minutes and he pondered why. He hadn't sprained it recently or anything.

"So keep out of my room because I've seen enough of you today," Geoff read quietly, his fingertips grazing the blackened words softly. The wheels were turning in his head, his eyes widening in fear as he realized what was wrong.

Geoff's eyes opened to pitch black as he shot up in his bed. He looked around, breathing heavily.

"It was all a dream," he breathed.