BLONDE

IF I COULD FIND MY SOMETHING TO BURN OUT THESE FEELINGS

JUNE 28TH

Awsten had been released from the hospital a few days prior and he was being watched by Otto like a hawk. Otto had set a timer in both his and Awsten's phones for when it was time for him to take his medication so that way Otto would make sure he was taking them and not flushing the pills like the twenty-five-year-old had been doing before. He had also told Geoff to set an alarm as well, in case Otto needed him to check on Awsten, even though Awsten didn't want anything to do with Geoff at that moment. Otto and Geoff had both agreed that Awsten couldn't be left alone.

Awsten sat in his dorm room along with Otto. Geoff had sat outside the room, his back against the door. It was a common occurrence now, as Awsten would refuse to let Geoff come in even though Otto had consistently told him he needed to talk it out with Geoff. Geoff was upset about the situation but he was just glad that Awsten was okay. Otto was annoyed that Awsten was being stubborn but he was glad that Awsten had calmed down and was slowly beginning to adjust back to his normal mood spectrum.

"You've got to talk to him sometime," Otto said, bringing Awsten out of his thoughts. The boy looked over at the poodle and sighed.

"I'm still hurt," Awsten said solemnly.

"You don't even know if he was with Chloe or not," Otto said. "It's probably just a big misunderstanding, I mean, you've overreacted to something like this so many times before."

"But it's different this time," Awsten croaked, tears brimming in the corner of his blue-green eyes.

"Awsten, you don't know," Otto said, placing his hand on the natural blue's shoulder comfortingly. Awsten opened his mouth to respond, but Otto quickly cut him off, knowing what he was going to say. "Her tweets probably mean nothing."

"Geoff liked and retweeted some of them, though," Awsten retorted, looking at Otto. Otto sighed and shook his head.

"Maybe you should take a break from social media. But you know what will fix this? Talking to him," he said again, hoping it'd get through to Awsten that the only way he was going to be able to gain closure and cope with the situation was to just talk it out with Geoff. "It's not going to do any harm, only good."

"You don't know that," Awsten sniffled. "I could find out that he really did screw her and I mean, I guess in a way that'd be my fault, like with Za-"

"No, no no, no," Otto said quickly, looking at Awsten sternly. "You are not bringing Zakk up right now. What Zakk did to you was not okay, he had absolutely no right to hurt you or abuse you in the ways that he did. That is in no way your fault, Awsten. Geoff is not Zakk."

"I feel just as bad as I did back then," Awsten murmured. Otto's eyes widened and he hung his mouth open.

"That's not something that you mean," Otto stated. Awsten looked down at the ground, tears silently rolling down his cheeks, and he shrugged.

"You're right," Awsten said quietly. "I don't mean that. Geoff's not Zakk. Zakk's not Geoff. Zakk is gone. He's gone."

"Will you please talk to Geoff?" Otto asked, practically begging for the natural blue to agree. "Please? For me?"

"Fine," Awsten huffed. It had been long enough of him being stubborn, he supposed he could talk with Geoff, even if he had only agreed because Otto had pleaded him to. Awsten didn't feel ready to face his problems, but he knew that if he didn't now then he never would. Awsten hated talking about his emotions, even if it was to someone who he was more comfortable with being open with. Even when Geoff and he were still on good terms, he'd never tell Geoff everything. He was scared to open up to Geoff due to the voice in the back of his mind that was constantly nagging at him, telling him everything that could go wrong would go wrong, that Geoff would be just another Zakk, everyone was just another Zakk, everybody was out to get him.