PART 14
A couple of months have passed now. I have been training very hard with Bill. In the blinking of an eye, I have seen the most beautiful spots of this lovely planet. Teleportation swells!
I know that you never saw me again after those two agents in black suits took me in handcuffs to the basement. That's why I needed to tell you my story. I wanted you to know that I'm ok, and that I will return soon. You will not recognize me, but I will be the same alien(ated) teacher you used to know. I will continue my work, talking too much, making lots of mistakes, enjoying the teaching of language, and relishing my contact with wonderful humans.
The day of the Conciliation is coming, and I sincerely hope we can build a better world together!
Now, for the legal part: The human secret police has forced me, sorry, asked me to make some rectifications to this story so that it reflects the truth about the characters and events told here. I need you to read them carefully, so that lawsuits are avoided. Thank you very much for your patience. It's been awesome telling my story to you all!
RECTIFICATIONS
1-The men in black do not exist, and they certainly don't drive black cars. (The fact that I was taken by two guys in black suits in a black car is a mere coincidence).
2-Metal cuffs do not produce any kind of physical, emotional or mental distress to the cuffed individual.
3-There is no such thing as a "Chomskian part of the brain".
4-The overuse of the word "funny" in all its shades of meaning has been declared punishable by death.
5-The words "shit", "hell", "fuck", "damn" and all their variations should be replaced in the mind of the readers with: "Oh, my goodness!"
6-All secret agents are handsome and athletic. None of them is "puffy". If you need confirmation of this fundamental truth, just have a long look at James Bond.
7-The cells at the secret police headquarters are clean, furnished and well ventilated. They have toilet, toilet paper and even air conditioning.
8-Meditation can kill you, so don't try it, least of all in a solitary cell.
9-There is nothing wrong with "long longed", so no need to bother Mr. Shakespeare about it.
10-Dan Brown does not have Robert Langdon's phone number.
11-The Vatican library has nothing of interest, so stop bothering the Church to grant you access.
12-Electroshocks do not cause problems with the physical stability of the form of an individual.
13-Doctors don't serve tea to patients.
14-Tea is not petrol for humans.
15-The symbol mentioned in this story was just a mandala painted by a five year old child during a yoga class. It had nothing to do with caves or any other real place.
16-Harold Pinter denies any responsibility for the senseless dialogues and descriptions of this story.
17-The real Mr. Cumberbatch does not go around parks, lending his phone to unknown women. (He is too busy trying to bargain with Dormammu in a time loop.)
18-There are no alien language teachers, although some of them may be a little alienated.
19-Aliens are NOT among humans, because:
20- ALIENS DO NOT EXIST.
THE END
YOU ARE READING
MISADVENTURES OF AN ALIEN(ATED) LANGUAGE TEACHER
Science FictionHow did I end up with my wrists cuffed to my back in an interrogation room? Good question, that. I suppose that to find yourself in such a situation, you have to commit a series of mistakes, big ones. Of course, when you are there committing them, y...
