Old Man Humphrey ✧ lumax

12

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ANOTHER NEIGHBOR-WHOSE-NAME I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE TO KNOW."

"Don't scream at my damn ear, kid, and who the fuck is this?"

"Don't call me kid, ugly. Who are you?"

"Max."

"Well, I'm Erica. Are you the redhead with the weird-ass skateboard?"

"That's me. Do you usually call someone on the phone randomly and yell Valentine greetings?"

"No. I just saw your telephone number on my brother's notebook, with 'Old Man H' as the title. The title's pretty bland if you ask me."

"What the -- your brother? I'm going to --"

"Call the police? Don't call the police, I want to do it instead. His name is Lucas. But I refer to him as LucASS in my mind."

". . .what the hell? Are you at Mr. Humphrey's house right now?"

"You bet I am. I enjoy watching my brother suffer from here."

"Suffer in what sense?"

"He's scrubbing the bathroom."

"Go get the expired milk and throw it around the bathroom."

"Will do!"

"Don't tell him I told you that."

"So are you guys friends or something? Because if you are I pity you."

"Nope. I'm starting to like you."

"But I hate you."

"Wow, kid. We have so much in common already!"

"Lucas has it the other way around, just so you know. Bye, Max!"