Like You Better Dead

5

"Shane."

"Good morning, Cadence. How are you doing with... everything?"

Keeping my cell phone pressed tightly to my ear, I take a deep breath as my body stills and cold settles in my nerves, but I try to focus on keeping my voice steady. "Fine," I answer shortly, readjusting the purse hanging from my shoulder while shifting my weight uncomfortably. "Why are you calling?"

I hear a breath of laughter release from the other line, and I catch myself scowling at the simple sounds escaping from Shane, even if only from over the phone. "I see that you don't feel the need for pleasantries anymore, huh? Can't stand me that much?"

"I'm late for work, Shane," I tell him in an exasperated tone, from annoyance and the small fact that I most definitely didn't sleep a wink last night. "Just tell me what this is about. It's not every day that I get to endure a conversation with you, so you might as well make it worthwhile."

"Maybe I just miss you, Cadence," his voice turns mockingly teasing, and I'm rolling my eyes. Not from flattery, or tolerance. Only pure frustration, and a hint of disgust. "Maybe it's as simple as that."

"Come on. Please stop wasting my time."

"Is it that hard to believe?"

"Goodbye, Shane."

"Wait. Fine. Calloway's funeral is tomorrow. Thought you'd want to know."

I let out a sigh, feeling a shock rip through my body. Calloway. Funeral. He really is dead, even if he keeps showing up in my life. Still, the funeral makes Calloway's death somehow even more real, yet all the more unbelievable. The fact that the news is coming from Shane slightly takes away from the attention Calloway demands, but emotions are still stirred. Cold, harsh emotions, emotions which can agree with the same feelings I hold for Shane. "Okay. When? Where?"

"The church on Elm, the big one. Won't miss it. At eleven. But there's a wake at my place after. Just for us. You and me, like old times. How does that sound?"

"How can you even joke about this? You're calling to tell me about your brother's funeral. Seriously, Shane, this isn't the time."

I hang up after that, after receiving the information I need. I remain still for a moment, absorbing it all. I can't seem to make sense of the spiraling thoughts swarming my mind. Hearing from Shane never fails to make a mess of me, as old, haunting memories flood back like painful movie slides in my head. But this moment shouldn't be about him, Calloway's horrible older brother. He doesn't deserve another wasted second.

So after the repulsion wears off from dealing with Shane, I find myself shaking my head at the thought of going to church for Calloway next. I don't think Calloway ever even mentioned God in all the time I've known him, let alone step foot in a church. Yet tomorrow, I'll see him under a cross and stained glass, hearing about how he's in Heaven and at peace. It's ironic. It's... nonsense, in regards to Calloway. If there's a heaven, the gates surely wouldn't open for Calloway Sullivan. And seeing Shane crying for his late brother in a church pew, pretending to pray?

Shane may be able to pull off funeral black well, but he may have issues passing for a believer in anything tomorrow.

I force myself to leave the bedroom after the phone call, so I can try to not be later to work than I already am. I leave the apartment in a hurry as to not run into Lance, who I luckily avoid. But as I make my way to work, I can't help but feel vibrant exhaustion claim me its victim. I don't know what I saw last night, besides perhaps a mental breakdown when I witnessed Calloway waiting for me on the corner of my bed. It felt so real, seeing him there, though I know that's impossible.