He's gone. He left. That's it, why can't I get over it? He killed himself, it's not my fault, it's his! I sighed to myself as I stared at the ceiling of this messy apartment. The apartment I shared with him before he died. I haven't bothered to touch any of his stuff as if he'd get mad when he comes back. When he comes back. How long has it been since I ate? Well, what day did he die? I've lost track of the days due to my excessive sleeping. I can't help it, it's the only time where I can be numb and not hurt myself.
I peered around the dusty floor I was laying on, I wasn't gunna sleep in the bed by myself, was I? No, that would result in me crying into his pillows because they smell like him. Louie's food and water bowl had been taken thanks to his ex, taking him since I wouldn't be able to do anything for a while. She's a good person, no wonder Danny likes her. Why'd he like me? Well, he didn't love me enough to stay.
The dull pain from my abdomen brings me back to reality, a reality I'd rather not live in. I take a few deep breaths as sometimes I lay still for so long my breathing slows. I force my body to roll onto my stomach, slowly pushing myself up and shakily to my feet. There's a pain in my head making me whimper, my legs feel more numb than I do, nearly making me fall.
I blindly reached out for something to stable myself with though, before I knew it I was back on the floor with a harsh pain in my hand. "Err, fuck!" I groaned out and saw blood drip out of my hand, making me frown. I looked to my left when my heart stopped.
I broke a picture frame containing a photo of me and Danny.
The photo!
I went into panic mode, scrambling my hands and legs to get up. I needed to see what I did. I had to. I took the broken frame into my hand, wincing at more glass shards digging into my hands. I felt cold
The picture took place on our first year anniversary where we had a beautiful picnic in the only greenery area near Las Angeles. I had my arm around my gorgeous boyfriend who had his hair bleached just a few hours earlier. Danny had his arms around my chest in a hug as I held the camera up to show how happy we were.
It was ripped and crinkled, Danny's lovely body had rips and folds, sort of like when he jumped in front of that moving train. As for me, there were a few wrinkles and a large rip across my arm. How ironic.
My face got warm and my vision blurred, I felt my hands shake making me drop the precious picture. My chest heaved with pants, fuck, it felt like I wasn't getting enough air but I was getting too much at the same time. My fists clenched making the shards of glass impaled me deeper and I cried out, falling to my knees. The physical pain was nothing but I had a different hurt, one that I've been avoiding. I shook on my knees as I rode out this panic attack.
I don't remember much after that, the memory is foggy and is only in snippets. I think I called someone, but who would answer? I haven't talked to anyone since I saw Danny's body. I groaned as I started to feel in my body again, my eyes opened, welcoming the sun. Fuck, when was the last time I saw it? I looked around and noticed I wasn't even in my own home anymore. Did I call Jorel? I could recognize his CDs and clothes, plus I saw his cat laying by my feet. I let out a sigh as I tried to process all that has happened in the last.... However long it's been.
I brought my hands up to rub my face but was met with bandages. Did Jay clean me up? I must've been a real wreak for him to pity me enough to help me. You could tell he was thoughtful about it too, he wrapped the fingers individually so they weren't in some clump and he used actual medical tape instead of just tape. I made a face as I felt dull pain from my hands but it took me a second to realize it wasn't the only place that was feeling pain. Oh. I looked down my arms to see that I clawed them, red scratches littered my arms, each a different length.
